One day, when my oldest son, Max, was almost 2, he turned diaper changing into a full-blown wrestling match. Squirming and giggling, he transformed the simple act of getting dressed into a game of tag, and I was definitely losing. We were running late, and my attempts to distract him with toys or employ my “serious mom” voice were futile. In a moment of exasperation, I did something I never thought I would: I gave him a light swat on the backside. He didn’t cry, but I felt awful. I’m staunchly against physical punishment, but I was exhausted and out of creative ideas.
After a moment of reflection, it hit me that I was scolding Max just for being a playful, curious toddler. Once I embraced the reality that we’d be late no matter what, I pulled out my parenting toolbox and turned our diaper struggle into a goofy game. Lo and behold, he joined in the fun, and off we went, fully dressed and ready to face the day.
It’s easy to forget that our little ones are just that — little! Especially with first children who seem to grow up so fast. According to a national survey by Zero to Three, many parents hold unrealistic behavioral expectations for their toddlers. We often expect 2- and 3-year-olds to have more self-control than they can actually muster; true self-control typically doesn’t develop until they’re around 3 or 4, and even then, it takes time to practice.
Sure, it might seem like they know how to behave—especially when you have more than one child. I’ve seen firsthand how my youngest, Leo, at 2, seems like a tiny tornado compared to his older brother. But the truth is, toddlers are still figuring out their environment and their place in it. They grow quickly and appear more capable than they were just weeks ago, but they’re still little learners who aren’t mentally or emotionally ready to meet our expectations all the time.
Research from the University of Texas at Austin and New York University shows that when parents believe their children understand the rules and should be capable of behaving, they tend to resort to stricter disciplinary methods, like spanking or threats. In contrast, those who recognize that toddlers are still developing their understanding of rules adopt a gentler teaching approach. Trust me, gentle parenting is not just more pleasant; it’s also far more effective in the long run. Kids will eventually learn to manage their behavior, but it takes time, patience, and a lot of repetition.
We need to keep in mind that kids under 3 or 4 are often unable to control themselves, and when we accept this, we can respond to their behavior with greater compassion. Punishing them for age-appropriate antics is not only unfair, but it also fails to teach them how to manage their impulses. For more tips on helping toddlers develop self-control, check out Zero To Three’s helpful resources.
I know parenting little ones can be incredibly challenging. Having navigated the toddler and preschool years with my three kids, I can confirm that they can be wild and exhausting. But they can also bring endless joy and laughter. When we shift our perspective from viewing them as little monsters to seeing them as curious learners, we can truly savor those early years with less frustration—for both us and them.
For more insights into parenting and home insemination, feel free to explore our other blog posts, including this one on home insemination kits. If you’re looking for authoritative resources on the topic, check out Make a Mom and American Pregnancy.
Summary
Remember, toddlers are still learning and growing, and expecting consistent behavior from them is unrealistic. Embrace their developmental stage to foster a positive learning environment, turning challenging moments into opportunities for play and growth.