When Kids Speak the Truth, Not the Tact

home insemination Kit

Menu

• Parenting
• When Kids Speak the Truth, Not the Tact

by Lisa Thompson

November 19, 2016

Little kids, much like your tipsy friends after a few too many drinks, have a knack for brutal honesty. They’re not shy about telling you if your breath smells, if you’re annoying them, or if they think that guy walking down the street is “way too big for those pants.”

For instance, one day when my 3-year-old daughter, Mia, was playing on the rug while I changed clothes, I was hit with a hilarious yet brutal truth bomb. “Mommy! Your butt is so big and wobbly!” she exclaimed, giggling in her innocent, exuberant toddler way. Her tone was full of delight, like she’d just found a crumpled twenty-dollar bill in last year’s coat pocket.

I was stunned, and I quickly pulled my pants up, nearly knocking myself in the chin. It was a swift kick to my self-esteem because I knew she wasn’t wrong. I wanted to defensively shout, “I’ve had multiple kids and I love dessert, okay?!” But I realized she wasn’t trying to be hurtful. She was merely making an observation and sharing it with me because she thought it was funny. Apparently, toddlers (and Sir Mix-a-Lot) have a thing for big butts, totally oblivious to the minefield that is commenting on a woman’s body.

Still, I couldn’t help feeling a bit annoyed. “Mia!” I said with a frown. “That’s not nice. You shouldn’t say things like that to people.”

I could see the confusion on her face. It was as if I had scolded her for saying, “The sky is blue.” To her, she was just stating a fact. I felt guilty, but what could I do? She had to learn at some point that commenting on people’s appearances wasn’t always appropriate.

We tell our kids that honesty is the best policy, but then we pile on all sorts of exceptions. Honesty is the best policy, unless you’re not a fan of the hand-knit neon orange socks Grandma made you. Honesty is the best policy, unless someone asks what you think of their eccentric new haircut. Honesty is the best policy, unless you’re about to reveal that your mommy skipped the bra for school drop-off or that you had candy for dinner last night.

We can explain to them that they should be honest, but only if it won’t hurt someone’s feelings. The challenge is that toddlers, despite their insistence that they know everything, have a limited understanding of social dynamics. At their tender age, low self-esteem isn’t something they’ve grappled with. Most have fortunately never experienced the sting of being called fat, so they don’t realize it can be a painful experience.

Until they grasp the art of tact, it’s pretty much a guarantee that our kids will embarrass us at some point—just part of the parental gig. (Although, if I’m optimistic, we can always repay them when they hit their teenage years.) All we can do is seize these teaching moments, helping them understand that some people may be sensitive about certain topics. We can encourage them to save their questions or comments about someone’s appearance for private conversations with us.

And we can model good behavior: When they strut down the stairs in a neon green Turtles shirt and plaid purple shorts, we can say, “Great job choosing your outfit! Let’s find a shirt with some purple to match those shorts.” (Or, you can just let them rock that look because, honestly, who cares?)

A couple of weeks after Mia’s candid comment about my rear, I was struggling to pull on my yoga pants when she walked in. I braced myself for another blunt observation. She looked at me with her big, curious eyes and opened her mouth. I prepared for impact.

“That’s a tiny butt you’ve got there,” she said sweetly.

I couldn’t help but laugh and hug her, praising her for saying something nice. I wasn’t sure if I had taught her the right way to be tactful, but at least she seemed to have absorbed the lesson.

And I had imparted a crucial lesson about life: When discussing age or weight, the more tactful you are, the better. One day, she’ll thank me for it.

If you’re interested in learning more about parenting and home insemination, check out this excellent resource at IVF Babble. And if you’re looking for a reliable home insemination kit, visit BabyMaker to explore your options. For more on privacy matters, see our privacy policy.

Summary:

Children often lack tact when expressing their honest observations, leading to hilarious and sometimes awkward moments for parents. While teaching them the importance of honesty, it’s essential to guide them on when it’s appropriate to share their thoughts about appearance and feelings. Through gentle correction and modeling behavior, we can help them navigate the complexities of social interactions.