25 Genuine Parenting Hacks for the Holiday Season

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The holiday season can bring a whirlwind of stress, and let’s be honest—social media doesn’t help. All we see are picture-perfect families with smiling kids in matching outfits, making it look like they’ve never had a tantrum in their lives. And those holiday movies? They depict children who listen and learn, as if that’s a reality we live in. Spoiler alert: it’s not. Kids can be little monsters during the holidays, and parents are often just hanging on by a thread. After it’s all over, you might wonder how you survived.

Having navigated the parenting landscape for over a decade, I’ve gathered some real-life tips that you won’t see on typical parenting lists. Here are some honest-to-goodness pro tips for the holidays:

1. If you forget to move the elf, tell your kids that they were naughty in that room, and the elf is sticking around to help them redeem themselves.
2. Don’t stress over the kids devouring Christmas candy. Just let them enjoy it; they’ll be fine.
3. To a child, Santa is pretty much a deity—use that to your advantage.
4. Snap those Christmas photos early, so you can still scare the kids with ‘coal in their stocking’ threats. They won’t care about pictures.
5. Most of Christmas morning is spent telling kids to go back to bed—use your best superhero voice.
6. The real test of patience? Watching a child wrap a gift. Just stock up on tape and let it happen.
7. You don’t need to stage your elf in elaborate scenes; it’s exhausting, and your friends won’t judge you for it.
8. There’s a solid chance one of your kids will have a bathroom emergency at the school Christmas program—be prepared.
9. You’ll spend a fortune on gifts, only for them to be more fascinated with the box. So, maybe just buy a box next time.
10. Your child will likely only eat the middle of a roll at Christmas dinner, then demand dessert. Just give in; it keeps the magic alive.
11. Change a friend’s contact to “Santa” and have them send threatening texts to your kids for a parenting win.
12. Kids can be little monsters the day after Christmas—it’s like a holiday hangover. Don’t take it to heart.
13. With toddlers, your Christmas tree will quickly resemble a regular tree. Stick to decorating the top half to avoid a trip to the ER.
14. The “Jingle Bells, Batman Smells” parody? Delay teaching it to your kids—trust me.
15. Adjust your expectations of holiday perfection to include fighting, crying, and poop for a more realistic view.
16. Early December is the perfect time to create a personalized video from Santa telling your kids they’ve been naughty—let them spend the month trying to make up for it.
17. Pinterest can make all parents feel like failures. Instead, watch clips from classic shows to keep your sanity.
18. Kids’ holiday outfits will always lose out to chocolate. Keep them in their pajamas for as long as possible.
19. Cutting down your own tree sounds delightful—until you attempt it.
20. Think twice before buying a noisy toy; consider how much of a headache it might create.
21. Different wrapping paper for Santa’s gifts assumes kids care about wrapping—spoiler: they don’t.
22. If you sneak some of your kids’ Christmas candy, make sure to hide the evidence—kids take that stuff seriously.
23. Your holiday mantra: “Calories don’t count during the holidays.” Repeat it as necessary.
24. There will be a moment when your child genuinely thanks you—savor it even if it’s not caught on camera. Store that memory for when they’re fighting over gifts later.
25. Don’t forget the power of caffeine 😉

There are countless more holiday hacks out there. These should get you started. If you have your own tips, please share them below because, as they say, it takes a village. For more resources on topics like home insemination, check out Home Insemination Kit. And for insights into fertility, Make a Mom is an excellent source. Also, for more information on assisted reproductive technologies, CDC’s ART page is invaluable.

Summary: The holiday season can be chaotic for parents, filled with stress and unrealistic expectations fueled by social media. This list of 25 genuine tips offers a humorous yet practical approach to navigating the holidays with kids, emphasizing the importance of lowering expectations and finding joy amidst the chaos.