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When You Find It Tough to Connect with Your Anxious Child
“Mom…” my son begs, his voice trembling. “I’m really anxious.” He fidgets nervously, as if trying to shake off the weight of his worries. He inhales deeply, exhaling slowly, just like his therapist recommended.
I take a breath of my own. “It’s going to be alright,” I say, hoping to soothe him. “You’ve been through this before, right? You can handle it.”
We’re embarking on a road trip to visit relatives, a journey that stretches 14 hours and lasts a week, followed by the same trek back home. Long car rides are old hat for our family. We spent a year wandering the country not too long ago, racking up hundreds of hours on the road. Back then, my son didn’t bat an eye at travel. His anxiety was limited to specific situations—mainly, fears of getting sick. But lately, he’s been anxious about being away from home.
I find myself repeating the usual reassurances, fully aware of their ineffectiveness. “Don’t fret,” I say. “Everything will turn out fine. Worrying doesn’t help.” I know this mantra does little to ease his anxiety, and he’s told me as much, yet I can’t seem to stop myself.
I don’t often use the word “hate,” but I truly despise anxiety. I know it goes against the wisdom of motivational speakers, but it’s the truth. I loathe how it affects my imaginative, bright son, how it tries to dictate his actions and keeps him from pursuing his passions. I detest that it defies logic and reason—my go-to methods for tackling my own milder anxious thoughts.
Anxiety is a deceitful, insidious foe, and I don’t always manage it well. In moments of frustration, I’ve lost my cool with my son during his anxiety attacks. It’s not my proudest moment. When panic strikes at the worst possible times and holds him back from things he loves, my irritation sometimes misdirects itself at him instead of the anxiety itself.
The reality is, I’m only human, and so is he. Neither of us always knows how to deal with this pesky foe effectively. But we are trying. He has started therapy, though the first therapist wasn’t a great match. We’re currently trying a new one, and it seems to be going better. If cognitive behavioral therapy doesn’t yield results long-term, we might consider medication. We’re doing what we can, and we’re noticing some progress.
But boy, is it tough. For those who don’t battle anxiety or depression, understanding the daily struggles of those who do can be incredibly challenging. Since anxiety is often invisible, explaining it can feel almost impossible.
Anxiety can present itself in strange physical ways too, like random headaches or dizzy spells without a medical basis. Because everyone experiences some level of nervousness, many find it hard to grasp the difference between everyday jitters and crippling anxiety.
As a parent, all I want to do is alleviate my child’s pain. I wish I could confront anxiety and demand it leave my son alone. I yearn to fix it, to nurture it away, but I can’t.
So, I’m committed to learning how to support him and exploring all available resources for professional help. I must keep my frustrations in check because they certainly don’t aid the situation. I need to be a source of strength and encouragement for my son, saving my irritation for moments when I’m alone with my pillow. And I have to remind myself that even though this is tough for me, it’s a hundred times harder for him.
To all the parents of anxious kids out there: We might not always get it right, but we are doing our best.
If you want to read more about navigating these challenges in parenting, check out our related blog post here. Also, for those curious about the science behind conception, this article on artificial insemination is a fantastic resource.
Summary
Parenting an anxious child is a challenge that requires patience and understanding. While it’s easy to feel frustrated, it’s essential to remember that our children’s struggles are often much more profound than they appear. By educating ourselves and seeking appropriate help, we can provide our children with the support they need to navigate their anxiety.