I Get ‘Too Attached’ To My Foster Kids, And It’s My Greatest Joy

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It was a lone toothbrush left behind that broke me. Here I am, in a parking lot, tears streaming down my face. He was with me for just two and a half weeks, but those days were filled with joy—he smiled, slept soundly instead of waking in fear, and swung on the swings my kids barely notice. He called me “mommy,” and I reassured him every time I left that I would always come back. I did my best to prepare him for his new home, but now that it’s nap time, his new mom says he misses me. I sent her a picture to help him find a little comfort and perhaps catch some peaceful sleep.

When I share my foster parenting journey, the most common reaction I get is, “I could never do it. I’d get too attached.” Believe me, I understand. I “got attached.” I was the one who could soothe him to sleep and knew his favorite jam for his toast. I was there for him during his tummy troubles and felt frustration when he accidentally broke a Christmas ornament. I watched him while he slept, and my heart swelled with love.

To those who worry about getting “too attached,” let me tell you: I absolutely do. Every single time. I think about where these kids are now. They often visit me in my dreams, and I wake up with tears on my cheeks. It hurts—it sometimes hurts so much that I struggle to breathe. But you know what? I would rather these precious little ones experience my love, even if it means I carry some of their pain in my own heart. They shouldn’t have to face it all alone, and I can handle the burden.

It’s simply unacceptable that an eight-year-old who has witnessed unspeakable trauma, like the loss of their mother, should go without the love of a caring stranger. A stranger who is willing to treat them like their own child. It’s downright criminal for a two-year-old to sit in a social worker’s office wearing dirty clothes for days just because I’m worried about getting attached. I get attached. I always do. And you know what? That attachment has been the greatest honor of my life. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

This article was originally published on Dec. 5, 2016.

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Summary:

The author shares their heartfelt experience of fostering children, emphasizing the deep emotional bonds formed during short placements. Despite the fear of attachment, they believe it’s essential for children to feel love, even if it means facing heartache later. The article encourages awareness of the emotional impact foster care has on both the children and caregivers.