Nine months pregnant and wrangling my rambunctious 2-year-old, I was leaving a diner when I spotted a couple with a newborn. I smiled and offered a heartfelt, “Congratulations!” Just then, my husband appeared with our other two kids, and I noticed the new dad staring at me, his eyes wide with awe. “Wow, that’s a lot of kids. You must be a parenting pro! Can you give us some tips?”
I felt the urge to dish out advice as the “expert” he believed I was, but then I caught the gaze of his wife. This new mom looked familiar, a bit lost and yet full of hope despite the haze of sleep deprivation. I knew she didn’t need my advice; she needed reassurance that she was doing just fine.
I replied, “You don’t need my advice. Your baby is sound asleep in her carrier, and you’re out and about — that’s a huge win! You’ve got this parenting thing under control.” The new mom smiled, clearly appreciating my words more than any parenting tips I could’ve offered.
I remember those early days of motherhood, when I often felt like a failure. Postpartum emotions can cloud your judgment, and recognizing triggers becomes tough. Sure, I’m now a mom of four with plenty of experience, but that doesn’t mean I’m a master at parenting. My kids wake me up just as easily as anyone else’s, and I still find myself drowning in laundry and chaos.
Take last night’s dinner, for example. I was juggling complaints while trying to convince one child to eat their pasta instead of their boogers, while another insisted on “red sauce, not butter.” Meanwhile, the youngest was gleefully tossing food onto the floor. My goal? A peaceful meal with minimal mess — a request that feels perpetually out of reach.
Now, I find myself navigating multiple layers of “Why is dinnertime always like this?” But instead of panicking, I’ve learned to embrace the madness. Just a few years ago, I would never have allowed my toddler to eat food off the floor without batting an eye. Now, I simply let her scavenge while I tackle the dishes. Multitasking, right?
So, here’s the truth: I’m just as perplexed as I was in the beginning. My second-grader claims there’s too much information in her head to finish her math homework, and I can totally relate when it comes to parenting advice. With so much conflicting information out there, one more study could send me into a tantrum rivaling my daughter’s over Common Core math.
This is why I didn’t give that new mom any advice. In fact, I’m often the one seeking guidance from newer moms. Just last week, I was venting to a first-time mom about my baby who likes to nip at my nipples. While getting my hair done, I learned about a formula she had weaned her child onto, and without hesitation, I ordered it right there. Why? Because I trusted her judgment, having been in her shoes before.
To all the new moms out there: When you see me, don’t assume I have it all figured out. I’m just as frazzled and out of touch with the latest trends as you are! Sure, I mention I’m a “mom of four” in my writing for attention, but the truth is we’re all navigating this parenting journey together. Let’s learn from one another and give new moms the respect they deserve.
This article was originally published on Dec. 20, 2016.
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In summary, motherhood is a shared experience filled with challenges, triumphs, and, most importantly, the need for community and support. Whether you’re a mom of one or four, we’re all learning as we go.