‘Tis The Season for Tackling Everything Alone While My Partner Sits Back

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I don’t know about you, but in my household, the holiday season can feel a bit like a throwback to the dark ages of gender roles. I was already juggling a ton back in September and October—managing childcare, prepping meals, and trying to keep my job secure while my kid needs braces, which means multiple appointments just to get started. As if that wasn’t enough, my babysitter quit in mid-November, so naturally, I got to add “resolve childcare crisis” to my ever-growing list.

Then, the holiday madness kicked in. Suddenly, I’m faced with a mountain of presents to buy and wrap, parties to RSVP to, calendars to coordinate, and recitals that require new tights for one kid and a freshly pressed shirt for the other.

So, how many of these details has my partner pondered? Here’s a hint: make a circle with your fingers and say, “Zero.”

And those gifts we “have” to buy—sure, we’re trying to scale back on the consumerism, especially with the world on fire come January 20, 2017. But I’m not talking about gifts for the kids, grandparents, or close friends—that’s manageable stress. What really pushes me over the edge are the obligatory gifts for teachers (two for each kid), the piano instructor, the dry cleaner, and that sweet guy at the gym who lets me in when I forget my card.

On the bright side, I don’t have a yard or a doorman, so at least I’m not worrying about tipping those who keep my home safe and tidy.

Even if I decide to skip most of these gifting opportunities—because my resources are dwindling both financially and emotionally—I still find myself stressing over where to draw the line.

How much time have the men in my life spent worrying about the balance between the piano teacher (who’s been with us for almost a year) and the karate instructor (who just started six weeks ago)? And what about finding the right gift for our recently widowed great-aunt? Guess what? You know the drill—zero.

Sure, we didn’t have to send out a holiday card, but I love picking out the photos and finding a template that honors my partner’s background while accurately representing our rather casual faith lives. I can’t bear the thought of skipping a year; I like to look back at our cards over time.

The holiday card chaos doesn’t truly begin until the box arrives. I never have stamps on hand and I’ve lost track of everyone’s addresses. And don’t ask me about Excel—I’m clueless about “mail merge.” My strategy? Pull up our wedding invitation list and start handwriting cards, fully aware that most of those people have moved since our big day eight years ago. And forget about holiday-themed stamps; these cards go out with American Flag stamps or they don’t go out at all.

Amidst all this madness, I’m also dealing with invitations to cookie parties. These gatherings require a dozen homemade cookies, which makes me want to curl up and hide. I don’t even have a signature cookie recipe; my go-to dessert is ice cream, which I stash in the freezer to keep it all to myself.

Do you know how many cookie parties my partner has been invited to? Yeah, you guessed it—hold up your hand, make a circle.

He’s also blissfully unaware of the special torture known as the cookie-decorating party. Imagine bringing your children to someone’s house, watching them cry as the dough sticks to their cookie cutters, resulting in sad, lopsided shapes. All while making small talk with other exhausted moms who are just as fried but feel compelled to keep these sugar-fueled gatherings alive—what is it? Culture? Tradition? Insanity?

My partner often wonders why I’m stressed out and haven’t slept since Thanksgiving. He chuckles when I mention that January is my favorite month because it means I’ve survived, even though January 2017 will likely bring its own unique challenges. He glances at the calendar and sees a few extra tasks in December, wondering what the fuss is about. I just shrug, form a circle with my fingers, and whisper, “Zero.”

For more insights into making it through the holiday season, you might want to check out this post about home insemination. And if you’re looking for an authoritative guide on the subject, visit Make a Mom. Plus, CCRM IVF’s blog is an excellent resource for everything related to pregnancy and home insemination.

In summary, the holiday season often feels like a one-woman show in many households, with partners blissfully unaware of the emotional and logistical labor involved. While the stress mounts from obligatory gifts, holiday cards, and cookie parties, it’s a challenge that many women face alone.