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7 Insights from Seasoned Moms on Raising Kids
As a mom of three girls aged 14, 11, and 5, I find myself with a whopping 30 years of parenting experience under my belt. You’d think that qualifies me as an expert, right? Well, not exactly. One thing I’ve learned for certain is that parenting is a dynamic journey that demands constant adaptation, an abundance of determination, and a hefty serving of self-forgiveness.
Both we and our children are ever-evolving. What was set in stone with one child—like those must-have nap times—might completely unravel with another. Honestly, I’m not sure if I’m any better at parenting my third child than I was with my first. What has changed is my ability to discern what truly matters for each child and for myself. With some hindsight and a lot more learning ahead, here are a few key takeaways I’ve gathered about raising kids:
- Perfection is a Myth.
Neither you nor your child is flawless. Ditch that Pinterest-perfect image right now for a more enjoyable parenting experience. Before my eldest was born, I devoured parenting books, peppered my pediatrician with questions, and attended every newborn care class to “nail it.” Spoiler alert: you’re going to make choices you’ll regret. That’s perfectly fine. There’s no universal approach to parenting; there’s just your wonderfully imperfect journey as a family. Embrace it. - They Need Less Than You Think.
My 5-year-old is currently happily nestled in a giant cardboard box from Amazon, coloring away with markers. There was a time I’d feel guilty for not engaging her in elaborate activities. Now, I realize that sometimes less truly is more, and if boredom strikes, it’s a chance for her to develop an essential skill. - Listen More, Speak Less.
Above all, kids crave to be heard. This can be a challenge for me, as I often find myself doing most of the talking. Depending on the child and their age, bombarding them with questions can backfire. Now, I focus on listening and smiling when they share stories about their day or their latest friend drama. Feeling acknowledged is everything, no matter how old you are. - Kids Can Be Jerks.
Surprise! Kids can be little jerks. Often, their challenging behavior stems from not knowing better, testing boundaries, or maybe just being a bit mischievous. Whatever the case, I’ve learned not to shoulder all the blame or take it too personally. I call them out on their behavior, teach them to improve, and work on keeping my cool. - Missing Events Isn’t Catastrophic.
It’s simply impossible for me to attend every single one of my kids’ sports games, science fairs, recitals, and bake sales. And honestly, I don’t want to attend everything. I used to feel guilty about missing out, but guess what? They move on, realizing they can shine without me there. Plus, I get a little breather! - You’re the Boss.
No matter how chaotic things get—whether it’s a toddler throwing a tantrum in the toy aisle or a teenager slamming doors—you’re still the authority figure. I’ve found that when I enforce boundaries during their wild moments, they calm down more quickly. - Prepare to Be Amazed.
Just when I think my child-free friends have it all figured out, my kids surprise me with their intellect, insights, and unfiltered love. The other night, when I asked my youngest if she needed the bathroom, she replied, “I don’t need to pee, Mama. I just need to hug and kiss and love you!” For a brief moment, I thought, “Yes! Parenting rocks!” Then she left the hamster cage open, and my hectic life resumed.
I certainly don’t have all the answers to parenting’s conundrums (if I did, I’d bottle that wisdom and sell it on eBay). But with each passing day, I gain more confidence in my ability to respond appropriately. And when I stumble? I remind my kids that I love them, give myself some grace, and gear up to do it all over again tomorrow.
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Summary:
Raising children is a complex and ever-evolving journey. Veteran moms understand that perfection is unattainable, and kids often need less than we think. Listening is crucial, and it’s essential to remember that our kids can be challenging at times. Missing events isn’t the end of the world, and as parents, we must assert our authority. Ultimately, our children will continue to surprise us.