As I drive along the familiar stretch of highway, my son is engrossed in a superhero book in the backseat. This road feels like second nature to me, having traveled it since I was a teenager.
I hit the “seek” button on the radio and land on a Sunday morning talk show. Two hosts are discussing family, and it quickly becomes evident they’re advocating for traditional marriage.
“We need to enhance the appeal of the family unit,” one declares. “Families are essential for procreation. It’s vital for our species’ survival.”
“Exactly,” the other chimes in. “We must continue to showcase what the ideal family looks like—a traditional marriage.”
“Plus,” the first adds, “siblings are crucial. My siblings shaped who I am, and children need siblings.”
I switch the station, but the implications of their words linger in my mind. What truly constitutes an ideal family? Their vision seems to center on a mother, a father, and multiple children. I glance back at my son, relieved that he hasn’t absorbed their narrow perspective on family.
I think of my friend Sarah, who is married with eight children. Mother, father, siblings—check. Yet, some people criticize her for having “too many” kids or for choosing to homeschool them. Despite being some of the kindest, most intelligent kids I know, her family doesn’t fit into everyone’s definition of “ideal”—they might see it as too large, too religious, or too unconventional.
Then there’s my friend Jenna, who has never married but always dreamed of being a mother. She adopted a baby girl, and her joy is palpable in every photo. Their family—one white mother and one black daughter—might not fit the traditional mold, either.
And let’s not forget about my friend Lisa, who identifies as gay. She and her long-time partner are raising twins in a nurturing, educated home. Two moms? Check. Siblings? Check. Yet, they often face criticism simply for being a same-sex couple.
Consider my college buddy, Mike, and his wife, who chose not to have kids but filled their home with love through two rescue dogs. Some might argue their marriage is less valid because they’re not raising children.
As for me, after a tough divorce, I married again at 34 and welcomed my son at 38. We’re a mother, father, and one child—check. But with no siblings and a divorce in my past, are we also excluded from the “ideal” category?
These talk show hosts propagate an outdated version of family that dismisses anything outside their narrow view as inadequate. The definition of a traditional family is as obsolete as black-and-white TV—back in the ’50s, families looked like the cast of “Leave It to Beaver.” Today, men can be stay-at-home dads, women can be breadwinners, and families can be blended or chosen.
There’s no single blueprint for an ideal family. Family can be biological or chosen, defined by love and shared experiences. Merriam-Webster defines “ideal” as “exactly right for a particular purpose,” which means it can take on many forms. For me, my ideal family is our little trio. But more importantly, the idea of family is dynamic and ever-evolving.
Ideally, family embodies love. Ideally, family fosters respect. Ideally, family nurtures happiness. It’s not about fitting a mold or adhering to a rigid formula. Just like our country is rich with diverse religions and cultures, so too is the concept of family multifaceted.
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In summary, family is not confined to a single narrative. It’s a tapestry woven with love, respect, and happiness, taking many forms that reflect the diversity of our experiences.