What You Need to Get Through a Day of Parenting Small Children

home insemination Kit

Parenting can feel like an extreme sport, especially when you’re juggling a toddler and a newborn. After welcoming our second little one not too long ago, I had to quickly brush up on skills I thought I’d left behind. Thankfully, it was a bit like riding a bike—if that bike was covered in spit-up and navigating a minefield of toys while feeling like you’ve been awake for three days straight. So far, we’re managing to keep our heads above water.

Having a 6-year-old and a baby means being on high alert at all times. The older one can handle some things on his own, but he still needs help with homework, bath time, and meals. The baby? Yeah, he’s pretty much helpless most of the time. With both of them, it’s an all-hands-on-deck approach.

Through this wild ride, I’ve gathered a few essentials for surviving the chaos. This is my personal survival kit, separate from the usual kid stuff like diapers and snacks.

Here’s what I absolutely need to get through a typical day:

• ALL THE CAFFEINE IN THE WORLD
• Aspirin
• Xanax? (Hey, no judgement here.)
• Maybe some marijuana?
• A flask—just in case.
• A solid nap for the kids
• A solid nap for me
• A smidgen of peace and quiet
• Just give me quiet
• A muzzle would be nice
• ALL THE PAPER TOWELS IN THE WORLD
• Five minutes to myself to shower
• Five minutes to myself to poop
• Five minutes to myself to cry
• Five minutes to myself naked while getting a root canal—I’m desperate for some alone time!
• ALL THE ASPIRIN IN THE WORLD
• My phone
• No more laundry
• A pillow to lie on
• A pillow to scream into
• A tiny bit of cooperation from the kiddos
• Some breathing room
• For it to be their bedtime already
• For it to be my bedtime already
• A LITTLE GODDAMN HELP FROM MY PARTNER FOR ONCE

There you have it! That’s my survival guide for a typical day of managing small kids. Just remember, don’t skimp on the paper towels—or the muzzle.

If you’re interested in more parenting tips, check out our other blog posts, like this one about home insemination. And for those exploring options for starting a family, visit Make A Mom for their expert advice on at-home insemination kits.

Summary: Parenting small children is a chaotic adventure that requires a unique set of survival tools. From caffeine to the occasional nap, this humorous take on daily needs highlights the reality of juggling a toddler and a baby.