Ah, New Year’s Eve! There was a time when it was my absolute favorite night of the year—before I had two little ones, that is. Now, it’s more of a mixed bag filled with dread, especially the traditional party-all-night kind of celebration. Here’s what New Year’s Eve with kids really looks like…
Finding a Sitter
Unless you planned ahead and snagged a babysitter back in July, you might as well be asking the President or a celebrity to watch your kids. The odds are definitely not in your favor. And if you do manage to find someone, expect them to charge you an arm and a leg as soon as they sense your panic.
Wardrobe Dilemmas
You’ll stare at your closet wondering if that sparkly top can be paired with yoga pants. Because let’s be real, no one will notice, right? Wrong.
Exhaustion by 9 PM
You’ll be ready to hit the hay by 9, but know you must keep up the façade for at least three more hours. Trying to appear lively and fun is way more exhausting than childbirth.
Awkward Resolution Questions
People will insist on asking about your New Year’s resolutions, while you secretly ponder if “survival” is a valid goal. Your private resolutions? 1) Lose that baby weight from a decade ago; 2) Be nicer to your partner (at least until noon); 3) Get your life together, whatever that means.
The “Rule of 120”
Let’s break it down: $120 for a sitter, $120 for dinner, $120 for drinks, and don’t forget the $47 you’ll spend on late-night pizza for you and your new best friends at 2 AM. Then you’ll realize you could have bought something responsible with all that cash.
Out with Childless Friends
If you go out with friends who don’t have kids, be prepared for a wave of jealousy as you watch them bounce around with energy while you’re dragging your feet.
Out with Fellow Parents
When you hang out with other parents, it’s either a night filled with endless talk about kids (and you’ll wish you stayed home), or it turns into a wild “Moms Gone Wild” situation, leaving your spouse wondering if they should have just left you at home.
Fireworks at Midnight
When the clock strikes twelve, you’ll hear fireworks and start plotting revenge on anyone who wakes your sleeping children.
Regrets and Selfies
You’ll realize too late that those 12:03 AM selfies were a terrible idea, especially when you look like a walking zombie.
Early Wake-Up Calls
No matter how late you stay up or how much champagne you consume, expect a rude awakening at 5:45 AM. It’s like kids have a built-in alarm clock for New Year’s Day.
Coffee and Aspirin
You’ll desperately need coffee and aspirin the next morning, only to find you’re out of both. You might find yourself contemplating trading your firstborn for a large Dunkin’ Donuts coffee—extra everything, please.
Mom Guilt
The morning after, you’ll realize that after all the money spent and how crummy you feel, you would have preferred a cozy night in with the kids, sipping sparkling cider and calling it a night by 9:15 PM.
The Noisemakers Dilemma
Your kids will inevitably play with those annoying New Year’s noisemakers for months, until one day in April, you’ll toss them out in a fit of rage.
Planning Next Year’s Excuses
By the time New Year’s Eve rolls around again, you’ll have your excuse ready: “Sorry, we’re staying in. No sitter. But enjoy! I’m so envious!”
The best part about New Year’s Eve after having kids? Realizing that the coziest place is wherever you feel most at home, which might just be your couch in yoga pants, surrounded by your loved ones. Here’s to a new year filled with the challenges of parenthood, appreciating our beautiful bodies that brought our kids into the world, being kinder to our partners (at least in the morning), and maybe, just maybe, getting our lives together. But if not, there’s always next year.
For more insights on parenting, check out our post on home insemination for engaging discussions on family planning. And if you’re curious about how to enhance fertility, Make a Mom has excellent resources. Additionally, Hopkins Medicine offers a wealth of information on fertility and insemination.
Summary
New Year’s Eve post-kids is a completely different experience filled with challenges like finding a sitter, battling exhaustion, and managing mom guilt. Instead of wild parties, many parents find comfort in their homes, cherishing family moments. As the year turns, it’s about accepting the chaos of parenthood and looking forward to what’s next.