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Potty Training Setbacks in My Preschooler Are Driving Me Bonkers
When you embark on the potty training journey, you think you’ve got it all figured out. You’ve read the books, talked to your friends, and it doesn’t seem like it should be that daunting, right? But then reality hits, and for a while—whether it’s a few weeks or months—it can feel like you’re wading through a swamp of accidents, temper tantrums, and mountains of laundry. Then, just like that, your little one emerges victorious! Your baby is now a potty-trained kid! The path to independence is not without its bumps, but you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
However, there’s a less-discussed aspect of potty training that can be a real curveball: regressions. I’m not talking about the minor slip-ups that happen to toddlers who were trained at 22 months; I’m referring to the setbacks that occur once your child starts school, when you thought they were past all that.
I’m currently knee-deep in this reality (or should I say nightmare?) with my daughter, and it’s revealing parts of myself I didn’t know were there—like the dark side that surfaces when she walks away from the couch with a soggy backside for the fifth time this week, casually mentioning that she had an accident. When I inquire how long she’s known about it, she just shrugs.
My partner, Jake, and I have always reassured our daughter that accidents are perfectly okay. We won’t get mad; accidents happen. Sometimes you don’t feel the urge until it’s too late, or you’re just too engrossed in play. I’ve been adamant about not letting her feel ashamed of these incidents because I grew up with a bladder disorder that went undiagnosed for years. It wasn’t until I was ten that a pediatric urologist finally helped me manage my condition. The shame I felt back then still lingers, and I’ve been determined to make sure my daughter doesn’t carry that same burden.
If only that were the end of the story. Near the end of her first year of school—referred to as “junior kindergarten” here in Toronto—our family moved out of the city. Her entire routine was thrown off, and her new friends faded from her life. For weeks, we lived out of boxes, trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy while she adjusted to her new surroundings.
Suddenly, her accidents skyrocketed. While there were still days without mishaps, there were also days when she would have five or more accidents. She’d come home in someone else’s pants because she’d already gone through her spare clothes at school. Then, she’d have another accident before bedtime.
We tried to stay upbeat or at least neutral about it. We explained that we weren’t angry, just puzzled about why she couldn’t recognize the urge to go. I reminded her more often to use the bathroom (curiously, she never had issues with recognizing when she needed to poop). More frequently, she would come back from the bathroom claiming she couldn’t go, only to have an accident shortly afterward.
Then she confessed that sometimes she held it in when I prompted her to go because she disliked being told what to do. She also admitted that she hated washing her hands, which was why she didn’t want to go pee. At one point, she claimed she couldn’t feel when she needed to go—until I remembered that she had never had an accident while we were out at a restaurant; she always asked to use the restroom there. Hmm, interesting.
Now that my daughter has just turned five, I suspect she’s grappling with some serious FOMO (fear of missing out) and ignoring her body’s signals until it’s too late. This is a common struggle, right? Our pediatrician believes it’s behavioral, but the daily battles are exhausting. She’ll refuse to drink water at school to avoid having to go to the bathroom. I’ll ask her to use the restroom before school, and she throws such a fit that we risk being late. I’ve tried everything—yelling, pleading, bargaining, and even reward charts. Nothing seems to work for more than a week or two.
Every day feels like a struggle. She’s obviously frustrated about something so natural, and I’m at a loss for how to help her. No amount of reasoning seems to change her perspective.
For now, I’m holding onto the hope that when people assure me she won’t be having five accidents a day at sixteen, they’re right—for her sake.
Summary:
Potty training can be a challenging experience, but what happens when regressions occur, especially after starting school? This article delves into the struggles of a parent dealing with their preschooler’s unexpected setbacks in potty training, all while trying to maintain a positive environment. It discusses the emotional toll it can take on both the child and the parent as they navigate these difficult times.
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