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Lifestyle
By Jenna Lee
Updated: Jan. 16, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 11, 2018
Reflecting on the early years following my divorce, I recall a time filled with optimism about dating and perhaps even remarrying. As a perennial romantic, I envisioned a seamless transition into a new relationship, where everything would align perfectly, allowing me to create a blended family and live a fairy-tale life. However, reality has proven to be quite different.
Fast forward seven years, and here I am—still single, lacking enthusiasm for dating, and uninterested in merging my family with anyone else. I’ve become fiercely protective of my little unit—my two children, Max and Lily, and myself.
I cherish our lives together. I delight in our chaotic home, where messiness is part of our charm. I appreciate their rough-and-tumble play, the bickering followed by quick reconciliations, and the spontaneous science experiments they concoct from whatever they can find in the kitchen. We have established our own traditions, and it took time to reach this point. Now, I want to savor every moment, embracing this chapter of my life fully.
I did date someone for a significant period, but the process of introducing him to my children was emotionally taxing. My eldest, Lily, struggled to accept him, feeling as though she was betraying her father by acknowledging this new man in our lives. It broke my heart to witness her discomfort as she expressed her desire for my happiness, yet insisted she didn’t want him around during family gatherings. “He’s just a stranger, Mom. Why does he have to be at Christmas or Thanksgiving?” she would say.
I felt sympathy for him, too. He made genuine efforts to connect, remained patient, and even gifted the kids, which Lily viewed as mere attempts at bribery. He wanted to create family memories through weekend trips, but I couldn’t commit. He was optimistic that with time and persistence, we would all blend seamlessly.
Eventually, I found myself feeling sad for my own situation, torn between the two people I cared about. I knew that if it came to choosing, my daughter would always come first. I often pretended to be like the other mothers whose blended families seemed effortless, while I grappled with feelings of inadequacy in managing this complex situation.
The key difference between those mothers and me was their readiness for the blending journey—I was not. Deep down, I realized that I didn’t want to merge families; I was rushing into something that my intuition was warning me against. I had been clinging to a dream that no longer resonated with me.
In truth, I desired time to rediscover myself as a single mother. I wanted to nurture a relationship with my children and redefine my identity after the divorce. I had a blank canvas, and I longed to fill it by myself. This self-exploration has revealed how much I enjoy being a single parent. I love sharing my space with my kids, cozying up for family movie nights, and even participating in events with their father, like birthday parties or sports activities. Every moment with them, just the three of us, feels precious.
With Valentine’s Day approaching, I admit that I crave flowers, chocolates, and romantic dinners, and yes, I wouldn’t mind a boyfriend. However, I’m simply not ready to integrate my family with someone else’s. The work involved in such a transition feels overwhelming, especially after years of discovering my own strength and confidence as a new single mom. I want to relish this time a little longer.
I trust that the right person will come along when the time is right, and it will feel natural. My intuition will align with my heart, and I won’t feel conflicted. Until then, I’ll focus on cuddling with my kids, sharing sleeping bags on the living room floor, and enjoying life as it is—just me.
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Summary:
After years of navigating the challenges of post-divorce life, I’ve found fulfillment in being a single mom. Although I once envisioned blending families, I now cherish my time with my children and want to savor our current dynamic. As I embrace this phase of self-discovery and joy, I remain open to future possibilities, trusting that the right relationship will come when the time is right.