As the early morning light spilled over the fields of Iowa, I glanced at my kids through the rearview mirror during our cross-country road trip. My daughter was peacefully asleep, while my son caught my eye with a grin. Gone were the days of car seats; now, at age 13, he said, “I’m really loving this time on the road with you, Mom.” Watching the sunrise together, I realized I had discovered a sweet spot in parenting teens.
There’s no shortage of advice on how tricky the teenage years can be. It’s a well-known fact that raising teens demands a special kind of patience. From eye rolls to slamming doors, and the awkward conversations about dating and hormones, parenting during these years is not for the faint of heart. Over the past few years, my patience has been tested, leading to some pretty candid discussions about relationships at the dinner table. It can be exhausting, maddening, and let’s not even talk about how much wine I’ve consumed lately.
However, raising a tween and a young teen is surprisingly becoming my favorite phase of parenting — eye rolls and foot stomps included. Despite all the warnings from friends about the challenges of raising teens, I find that, much like toddlers, they bring special moments that I genuinely enjoy as they transition into adulthood.
With each passing year, as our kids grow into their teenage selves and leave behind the bedtime battles and constant need for help, I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. They can tie their own shoes, make a sandwich, and take a shower without my assistance. Sure, there are still teenage challenges, and yes, the eye-rolling can rival a haunted doll factory, but life with teens is just so much physically easier. The day my daughter could reach the cabinets and I no longer had to be the sole dishwasher empty-er was a monumental occasion.
Of course, I sometimes find myself reminiscing about the days of footie pajamas and baby curls after a bath. A quick glance at old baby photos (thanks a lot, On This Day app!) can evoke a bittersweet longing for story time and Mommy and Me classes. But I quickly remember that my home is no longer filled with the chaos of tantrums or toys that make me want to pour a stiff drink. Instead, I can now snuggle on the couch and introduce my kids to my favorite ’80s movies without missing Sesame Street one bit.
Yes, teens can be a handful, and there are days they will challenge your sanity. But somewhere around the ages of 12 and 13, there’s a sweet spot where I sometimes wish I could freeze time. They are too young to drive off to parties but too old for playdates, making them more inclined to spend time with their parents to feel grown-up. I’ve learned so much about their social lives just by playing board games or sharing a bowl of ice cream. Thanks to a more relaxed routine and refined parenting skills, I’m open to quality time with them, listening to their stories and laughing at their jokes.
In those delightful moments, between the times my daughter sighs like I’m the village idiot and the moments my son declares that I’m ridiculous for enforcing no more screen time, I am grateful that the toddler years have come to a close. Exposing my kids to art and culture while revealing my own personality has made me truly appreciate being the parent of teens. While I could do without the eye rolls, I cherish the moments when their unique personalities shine through, hinting at the adults they will become.
As we cruised down that Iowa highway, the sun brightened and the clouds turned a lovely pink. My daughter stirred just as Bon Jovi played on the radio. My son shouted, “Crank it up, Mom!” and as we all sang along, I was thankful that neither of them rolls their eyes at my love for ’80s music.
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In summary, while parenting teens can be challenging, there are also many rewarding moments to cherish. The transition from childhood to adolescence offers a unique opportunity to bond with your kids in new ways.