25 Things We’ve All Thought When Our Kids Get Sick

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As I hurried down the stairs, cramming an earring into my ear and mentally reviewing the to-do list for the babysitter, I caught sight of my 3-year-old son, Max, quietly nestled on the couch. Normally a bundle of energy when his favorite caregiver is on the way, his pale cheeks and lethargic demeanor screamed that something was off. A closer look revealed his watery eyes and drooping body language. When the babysitter knocked, I knew any plans for a night out were dashed.

Kids ruin everything, right?

My husband paid the sitter anyway, and as I carried my feverish, sweaty little guy up the stairs, my dreams of a romantic evening faded. I could still smell my perfume while bathing him and flopped down on the couch in my sweatpants, makeup still on, feeling frustrated at being sidelined.

Kids have an uncanny knack for derailing plans and knowing the exact moment to unleash a wave of sickness. Just as you’re about to step out the door, the babysitter calls to announce that your child has unleashed a torrent of vomit all over the couch. It’s infuriating.

We’ve all experienced that moment when the phone lights up with the babysitter’s name or the school nurse’s number, and we contemplate whether to answer or not. Raise your hand if you’ve ever thought about saying, “Oops! Didn’t see your message until just now!” If you’re not raising your hand, you might be fibbing.

Here’s a collection of statements I’ve uttered to babysitters and school nurses alike. And as a former school nurse, I can assure you that other parents feel the same desperate need for a quiet grocery run.

1. “But is there actual vomit? Because if not, I’m not coming home.”
2. “Crap. I should’ve given him more Tylenol before sending him off.” Reminder set for next time.
3. “Can’t you just give him an ice pack and send him back? Ice packs fix everything, right?”
4. “Just give him some water. He’ll be okay.” Seriously, it’s just water.
5. “Don’t you have any of that surgical glue? I mean, waiting for stitches is such a hassle.”
6. “Put her on the phone. Things are about to get serious.”
7. “Are you bleeding out of your eyeballs? If not, back to class!”
8. “Is he on fire? With actual flames?” Same as above.
9. “Lunch is in an hour. She’s probably just hungry.” Oh no, her lunchbox is still on the counter!
10. “How deep is the cut, really?” Let’s cut to the chase here, school nurse.
11. “If I take him to the doctor quickly, can I bring him back to school?” That yoga class isn’t going to fill itself!
12. “Can he just lie down for a bit? Everyone enjoys a nap, right?”
13. “Hi, I just got him home and his fever’s gone. Can he return to school now?” Perfect timing for a quick grocery run.
14. “Oh, it’s not lice; it’s just dandruff.” If it were lice, I’d need to burn the house down!
15. “Okay, thanks. The tooth fairy will handle that tonight. Send her back to class.” That’s what those cute little tooth chests are for.
16. “Well, how much pee actually got on his pants? Are his socks wet?” If his socks are wet, I’ll bring fresh clothes; I’m not a total monster!
17. “Honey, do you mind if I still go out? He hasn’t vomited in like an hour. You’ve got this, right?” Translation: I need to escape these four walls.
18. “He hasn’t thrown up since he got home. Can I bring him back?” Ugh, I just want to buy some toilet paper in peace.
19. “Just tell him to blow his nose really hard. His ears will unclog.” Call me Mom MacGyver.
20. “No, his eyes were perfectly clear when he left for school this morning.” After I cleaned out the gunk, of course.
21. “I’ll be over in 10 minutes with cough medicine.” That cough isn’t going anywhere—no need to miss math class!
22. “Really, I think an ice pack will do the trick.” Just get the kid an ice pack, already!
23. “He’s fine. He just doesn’t like the substitute.” True story.
24. “Just slap a Band-Aid on her, and I’ll handle it when she’s home, okay thanks bye!” Band-Aids are a mom’s best friend.
25. “Do you mind calling his dad?” Tag, you’re it, honey!

Now, it may seem like I’m cold-hearted when it comes to my kids’ ailments, but that’s not entirely the case. When they’re truly sick, I’m the first to come running and will sit by their side through fevers and body aches. But if my child is calling me from the nurse’s office because their sock is uncomfortable or their throat feels scratchy, this mom keeps it real, meaning they’re staying at school or that sitter is not leaving quite yet.

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In summary, we all share those moments of disbelief and frustration when our kids fall ill, but it’s part of the parenting journey. Whether it’s a minor sniffle or something more concerning, we all have our go-to responses that keep us sane while juggling the demands of family life.