By: Jamie Turner
Jan. 8, 2024
I believe in letting my kids express themselves freely in all aspects of their lives, as long as it’s appropriate and doesn’t hurt anyone or make them look foolish. Saying “Yes!” to my kids’ ideas brings me joy. I relish nurturing their uniqueness. However, I do have boundaries. I often remind them: “I’m here to support you, but rules are in place because I’m still your parent. I have limits. Don’t be a jerk. Let’s work together.”
Isn’t that what we all desire for our children? To feel secure enough to reveal their true selves? I find myself saying yes more often than no, and I take pride in that. But don’t get it twisted—I will absolutely step in to veto some of their wacky ideas. Isn’t that what parenting is about? Guiding our kids toward the right path, occasionally spoiling their fun, and preventing them from making regrettable choices, while still allowing their individuality to shine?
For instance, if my son wants to grow out his hair into a man bun or if my daughter dreams of an undercut with a rainbow of hues, I’m all in. Hand me the dye or the clippers! In fact, I’d love to join in on the fun. A lightning bolt design shaved into their hair sounds pretty cool to me. But the moment they suggest something inappropriate, like an outrageous shave job, the excitement stops there. They’ll stick to their mom-approved style.
When it comes to music, I typically let them listen to whatever is trending, just like I did back in the day. I remember jamming to songs like “Pour Some Sugar On Me” and “Like a Virgin.” I want them to feel fabulous too. However, the second I hear some artist disrespecting women in a song, I’m ready to confiscate that speaker and put it away—90s style. I won’t tolerate that, and I want them to recognize it as unacceptable in our home.
I encourage my kids to choose their outfits and express themselves through their clothing. If it’s freezing outside, they can skip the jacket if they think their look is on point. But if my daughter even considers wearing a shirt that says “Ask About My Hooters,” I’ll be cutting it off her, no matter her age.
I want my kids to approach me when they feel I’m being unreasonable. I’ll listen with compassion, as long as they communicate respectfully—even when they’re upset. In our house, we don’t bottle up feelings. But if they start throwing around phrases like “You’re the worst, and everything sucks,” it’ll be time for a reality check. Maybe some good old-fashioned scrubbing of the bathroom will teach them a lesson or two. I’m open to their thoughts as long as they treat me with respect, and I won’t let them speak to me like I’m beneath them.
So, here’s the takeaway: you can be a “Yes Mom” while still establishing boundaries. The outdated notion that “children should be seen and not heard” is harmful. We want our kids to feel empowered to make decisions, yet I sometimes feel like I’m being walked all over. When that happens, I know it’s my own doing. Striking a balance between allowing our kids to grow and learn from their experiences, while providing support and guidance, can be incredibly challenging. After all, they’re kids—they’re still figuring things out and might get a little carried away.
Nevertheless, it doesn’t stop me from saying yes most of the time or seeking compromises that allow me to say yes without hesitation. Thankfully, it usually works for our family. Saying yes is just way more enjoyable! Now, hand me those scissors and crank up the music!
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Summary:
Finding a balance between being a supportive parent and establishing boundaries can be tricky. Embrace your role as a “Yes Mom” while ensuring your children understand limits. Open communication and respect are essential, allowing kids to express their individuality without crossing the line into inappropriate behavior. Parenting is about guiding them while letting them learn and grow.