Today was one of those days. I found myself feeling down, so I decided to do what any perfectly rational person would do: I rummaged through the attic and pulled out my wedding dress to wear while whipping up dinner.
Let me tell you, it barely fit. Four pregnancies have transformed my body in ways that would have left my 24-year-old bride self gasping in horror. Thanks to all the fun we had with drinks and dancing late into the night on that unforgettable Valentine’s Day in 2004, the dress had wine stains and half of its buttons were long gone. Yet, slipping it on still made me feel beautiful—like a stark contrast to my usual evening attire of bleach-stained sweatpants.
More importantly, it stirred memories of that younger version of myself, nervously walking down the world’s longest church aisle, buoyed by the courage only innocence and a few mimosas can bring. What would she think of me now? Would she feel pride or embarrassment for the chaotic, messy life I lead, filled with love and frequent failures? I suspect that everyone who witnessed me strutting down that aisle, armed with my tipsy bravado, knew just how unprepared I truly was for the journey ahead.
If I could talk to that blissfully unaware bride, I’d say this:
You have no idea.
Walking down the aisle is the easy part. Tonight, you’ll celebrate with food, drinks, and dancing until your mom gently reminds you, “Sarah, your grandmother is here.” Tomorrow, you’ll wake up with a hangover, a wedding ring, and a flight to a sunny getaway where you’ll sip cocktails and daydream about the perfect children and your impressive career. The future will seem like an open book, but it’ll also be the biggest turning point of your life.
Then comes the baby-making. Life will stretch ahead like one long, exhausting nursing session, and your new husband and you will find yourselves wide-eyed at 3 a.m., arguing over whose turn it is to tend to the baby again. That confidence that led you down the aisle will be replaced by the crippling anxiety of motherhood, leaving your marriage teetering on the edge of “are we going to make it?”
But you will make it.
You’ll fall madly in love with your little ones, reigniting the spark with your husband. Together, you’ll craft a beautiful life in a creaky old house filled with cozy throw pillows that feels like home. You’ll learn to navigate the chaos of a king-sized bed filled with four kids while still finding ways to connect.
Yet, be prepared: you’ll break—often. It’s like walking around with five open wounds, making you more vulnerable than you ever thought possible. You’ll discover faith in a new light, praying fervently for protection, only to find that life doesn’t always go according to plan. You’ll hit rock bottom and feel utterly defeated, convinced you can never rise again.
But you will rise.
You’ll change diapers, do endless laundry, and wonder about the purpose of it all until you sit with your therapist—a charming, gray-haired poet who talks about feelings too much for your liking. He’ll say, “The Buddha would say: chop wood, carry water. For you, it’s change diaper, make mac and cheese.” That night, after the house falls silent, you’ll burst into laughter, realizing you finally get it.
Fast forward years later, and if luck is on your side, you’ll find yourself in that same kitchen, wearing an old wedding dress. Your steadfast husband—your rock amid the parenting whirlwind—will take a bite of your mac and cheese and say, “This is fantastic.” And even though you know he’s exaggerating because it’s straight from a box, you’ll accept the compliment with a grin.
“Thanks, love. It must be the dress,” you’ll reply.
“Oh, you’re in a dress?” he’ll say, glancing over. “I didn’t even notice.”
If you’re curious about pregnancy and family planning, check out this insightful post on home insemination. For those considering artificial insemination, Make a Mom provides excellent resources. And for a deeper understanding of the process, this Wikipedia article is a great read.
Summary:
In this reflective piece, Sarah Thompson shares her journey from a naive bride to a seasoned mother, illustrating the ups and downs of motherhood while finding joy in the everyday chaos. Wearing her wedding dress while cooking dinner, she reminisces about her younger self and the lessons learned along the way.