I doubt anyone would approach me in the grocery store and say, “I’m so sorry you don’t have blonde hair,” or “You look lovely, but that outfit could really use a cardigan.” Absurd, right? It’s hard to imagine a complete stranger criticizing my appearance while I’m just trying to navigate the cereal aisle.
Yet, it happens more often than you might think, but instead of my looks, it’s all about my kids. I have four boys, and we all know that people have a tendency to voice their opinions about larger families (“You know what causes that, right? Heh heh.”). But since I’ve got a whole crew of boys, the commentary hits a whole new level.
Sure, I can handle the nice comments from folks who reminisce about their own families with all sons, but it’s the pity that really gets under my skin. You know the type: those sympathetic glances, the “Bless your heart” remarks, and the tone that clearly says, “Wow, your life must be chaos.” Apparently, my family isn’t considered complete unless we throw in a “little princess” alongside my squad of boys.
This became even more apparent when I was pregnant with my fourth son. Whenever someone asked about the baby’s gender and I said, “Another boy,” a good 90% of them looked visibly disappointed. Even some family members who I thought would be thrilled offered apologies. Yes, people actually said, “I’m sorry you didn’t get your girl.” How do you respond to that? It’s a wonder I made it through the pregnancy without losing my cool.
I know parents of all girls can relate. When you have kids of the same gender, it seems to give others the license to 1) assume you’re unhappy with your “lack of variety,” and 2) pry into your plans for future children, suggesting you have an issue that needs fixing.
If I had a nickel for every time someone asked if my husband and I were going to “try for a girl,” I’d have enough to adopt a dozen daughters. After struggling with infertility for five years before welcoming our first son, undergoing countless procedures and emotional turmoil just for the chance to be parents, hearing people imply I should want more than what I finally got is infuriating.
What’s worse? These comments are often made in front of my sons, as if they can’t hear the subtle message that they’re not enough. That’s one of the reasons we’re not planning for more kids. Heaven forbid we have a girl who somehow validates everyone’s assumptions that we “failed” with the first four. I want my boys to know that they are enough, just as they are. I don’t yearn for anyone who isn’t here; they fill my life with joy and love.
I have a wonderful family made up of four incredible boys who are nothing short of miracles. So really, why should anyone feel sorry for that?
For more insights on navigating family dynamics, check out this post on intracervicalinsemination.com. If you’re interested in exploring the world of home insemination, consider visiting Make A Mom for expert advice. Additionally, March of Dimes offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
The author discusses the unsolicited pity she receives for having four boys, recounting her journey through pregnancy and societal expectations. She emphasizes the joy her sons bring her and challenges the notion that her family is incomplete without a daughter.