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Dad Guilt: A Real Struggle, and Today I’m Deep in It
It’s nearly midnight on January 22, 2017, and I’m wrestling with a hefty dose of dad guilt. Just moments ago, I was on the brink of dozing off, lulled by the endless highlights from today’s NFL games. But then I made the rookie mistake of reflecting on my day, a nightly ritual I usually enjoy to gauge the balance of fun, relaxation, accomplishments, family bonding, and some much-needed “me time.” When that balance tilts toward the positive, it’s like a sweet, self-granted goodnight kiss before diving into dreamland.
But tonight? Tonight was a different story. My 11-year-old daughter, Lily, is a true celebration enthusiast. She’s written a charming collection of short stories, including “The Night Before Thanksgiving” and “The Night Before Christmas Eve, Eve,” and I cherish every one of them. In November, she even presented me with a heartfelt card for Veteran’s Day, despite my having never served. She embodies joy and creativity—traits I sometimes lack in my sarcastic dad persona.
Lily has always had a flair for throwing parties. We’re not talking about ordinary get-togethers; these are spectacular, fully orchestrated events that she plans all on her own. I fondly remember her birthday games for my “41 and a half” year celebration, the Parent Olympics where I proudly took home a trophy made from a toilet paper roll, and our first summer day feast that featured real food, not toy versions.
Today, she was at it again, gearing up for the two big NFL games. All she needed was the answer to “Who are we cheering for?” and some Falcons colors to set the mood. Before the first game kicked off, she had outdone herself with:
- Chips and salsa, artistically arranged
- Homemade sugar cookies crafted from scratch
- A “Let’s Go Falcons!” banner on the sliding door
- Streamers in the colors of the Falcons and Steelers
- Pre-sliced cheese and crackers
- A DIY tattoo station with glitter pens—not your average stick-on tattoos
- An assortment of drinks with Falcons straws and themed cups
Instead of embracing this elaborate celebration, I shut her down. I turned down a cookie due to my sugar detox. Seriously, Mike? You watched her gather ingredients, test recipes, and pour her heart into those cookies, and you couldn’t even take a bite? I casually remarked that I didn’t care who won since my team, the Raiders, was out of the running. With all the Falcons paraphernalia around, I couldn’t even pretend to show support? I totally missed out on an opportunity for family bonding.
I didn’t even use one of the cups or straws. Do you hate me yet? The only reason I have a Mets tattoo on my forearm is because I finally caved after her third request. Bad dad doesn’t even begin to cover it. I didn’t snap a single photo either. Oh boy.
Deep down, I know I’m a decent father. I’m leaving out the nightly rides on my back, the coaching lessons on the basketball court, and our bedtime talks filled with laughter. But here was a chance to savor a special moment that might never come again. Eleven transitions to teenage years faster than you can blink, and I let it slip away.
I was too busy with my workouts, checking eBay sales, and fixating on football games to focus on what truly mattered. I wouldn’t label myself as selfish, but perhaps I lack self-awareness. Tonight, I definitely wore that title.
Even a simple “thank you” before bed would have sufficed, but here I am, wallowing in my own selfishness and taking her for granted. She seemed unfazed by my absence, which makes it sting even more. My biggest fear? That she might have expected me to blow her off. That’s just unacceptable.
Tomorrow morning, I can’t wait to wake her up and offer not just an apology but a giant hug and a heartfelt “thank you” for being the incredible kid she is. Honestly, I think she’s taught me more than I could ever hope to teach her.
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Summary
Dad guilt is a real struggle, and sometimes we miss opportunities to connect with our kids. In this reflection, Mike shares a moment when he let his daughter down by not participating in her special celebration, highlighting the importance of being present in our children’s lives.