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Rape Is Rape, Yet We Still Debate It—Why?
In college, I briefly volunteered at a rape crisis center, only to realize I wasn’t equipped for the emotional toll it would take. I had signed up with a few friends, eager to make a positive impact without considering if I could handle the intensity of supporting someone who had just experienced such a traumatic event. Spoiler alert: I couldn’t.
Our training spanned six weeks, packed with statistics and visits to hospitals to understand the journey a survivor endures. We even had counseling to confront any personal issues that might arise during those emotionally charged situations. After that intense preparation, I was handed a pager one weekend, complete with detailed instructions for when it buzzed. If it did, I would need to jump in a cab and rush to the hospital to offer support, guidance, or just a comforting presence to a survivor. Thankfully, I was told I could initially accompany a more seasoned advocate.
Clipping that small black pager to my belt felt like strapping on a ticking time bomb. It brought with it a dreadful sense of anticipation. I was essentially waiting for someone else to be assaulted, a grim reality on any college campus. The knowledge that someone, possibly just like me, was heading out to a party or study group, only to have their life shattered by an act of violence, weighed heavily on me. I couldn’t shake the image of that girl from my mind, and nausea set in.
During training, we learned that 1 in 6 women will face attempted or completed rape in their lifetime, with 70% of these instances involving someone the victim knows. This is particularly true on college campuses, where acquaintances often become perpetrators.
So, it’s infuriating when figures like NYPD Captain Mark Davis claim that “troubling rapes” are those involving strangers. He went on to say that acquaintance rapes aren’t “total-abomination rapes.” As if the betrayal from a trusted friend or acquaintance isn’t equally devastating. Rape is rape, period! A violation of one’s body is heinous, no matter the identity of the perpetrator—whether a stranger lurking in the shadows or a so-called friend.
I did receive a call on that first weekend. At 3 a.m., my pager went off, sending me into a cab to meet a woman at the hospital who had just been assaulted. I was terrified; my only hope was to be strong enough to provide the comfort she needed.
That night was eye-opening and heartbreaking, and I struggled to maintain my composure. The survivor had been assaulted by someone she trusted—a friend who decided that intoxication gave him the right to take advantage of her. It wasn’t some stranger in a dark alley; it was a person she knew. Both scenarios are deeply traumatic and should never be minimized. Dismissing acquaintance rape only perpetuates shame and inhibits survivors from seeking the help they desperately need. We must direct our outrage towards the predators who commit these heinous acts.
We can do better. Let’s stop the shaming, the victim-blaming, and the excuses. The world has enough Brock Turners; we don’t need more.
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Summary:
Rape, regardless of the perpetrator’s identity, is a severe violation that should never be minimized. The author shares experiences volunteering at a rape crisis center, emphasizing the importance of understanding acquaintance rape and the need for compassion towards survivors. Society must focus on supporting victims and holding aggressors accountable rather than perpetuating harmful narratives.