Picture this: you’re at a lively bar, and someone is asking, “Can I get your number?” It’s a flattering moment, but your heart races with caution. The spark is there, but so are the insecurities. That was me, not too long ago, navigating a new city after leaving behind a world where I felt like an oddity—being both queer and plus-sized in a place that didn’t embrace either.
Just a week into my fresh start, I was feeling the isolation of being surrounded by strangers instead of the familiar faces of my hometown. I was like a ship lost at sea, longing for a safe harbor. At that bar, when I handed over my number, it felt like I’d found my lifeline. But as soon as he returned to his friends, the atmosphere shifted. Laughter echoed, eyes turned towards me, and I felt the weight of their judgment—a painful reminder that my size often turned me into a punchline.
It’s been over a decade since that night, yet the sting of that experience still lingers. Comments about couples where one partner is thin while the other is larger flood my ears daily. “How long will that last?” they ask, or “You’d be a catch if only you lost some weight.” Each remark feels like a reminder that fatness is often seen as a flaw, an unworthy trait that shuts us out of love and connection.
Fast forward to a recent experience: a colleague sighed heavily while flipping through a magazine showcasing happy couples. “Why do they always have to show the fat ones?” she lamented. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? The constant reminder that for many, love for a larger body seems impossible.
Recently, I was on a dating app when a message popped up that read, “Why are you sabotaging yourself?” The implications were clear: my photos didn’t fit the narrative of desirability. The first two were of my face, while the third showcased my body. Apparently, that was a misstep.
Every day, we are confronted with the belief that we are unworthy of love, often leading to isolation or settling for unhealthy relationships. Society teaches us that our bodies are obstacles to connection, convincing us that we should be grateful for any attention—even if it’s from partners who don’t treat us well.
But here’s the kicker: two-thirds of Americans are fat, and we’re a diverse group full of stories, laughter, and love. Fat people lead vibrant lives, surrounded by family and friends, falling head over heels in love, and yes, even getting married.
For instance, my dear friend Mia tied the knot this summer, surrounded by loved ones who celebrate her for who she is—brilliant, hilarious, and beautiful. She and her partner have created a life filled with joy, defying the stereotypes cast upon them. Their happiness is a testament to the truth that love knows no bounds, regardless of size.
Shifting the Narrative
So how do we start to shift this narrative? It begins with understanding that loving someone with a larger body isn’t an impossible task; it’s about creating a culture that recognizes and embraces fat love.
Start by loving a fat person in your life. Learn about their experiences, their struggles, and the beauty they possess. Their bodies may have taken hits over the years, but there’s a rich history there worth exploring.
When you walk alongside them, be mindful. Their journey is filled with battles fought and scars earned. Your understanding and presence can help clear the path for deeper connection.
Above all, remember: Love them as if you’re still figuring out the map together. Speak their name, celebrate their journey, and recognize that your affection can be a powerful force of healing.
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Conclusion
In conclusion, let’s create a world where love is abundant for every body, regardless of size.