I’ll Let My Kids Decide About Getting Their Ears Pierced

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“Did it hurt?” my 5-year-old asked, eyes wide, as I slipped a sparkly purple earring into my ear on New Year’s Eve. She had been eyeing those earrings like they were the Holy Grail of girlhood, convinced they held some secret to the world of grown-up girls she was dying to unlock.

After her question, she reached out to touch the hole in my other ear, her face twisting in a mix of horror and fascination. I could practically see the gears turning in her head, imagining a piece of metal puncturing skin. Despite her tough exterior, she’s a bit of a wimp when it comes to anything sharp. Her older brother, a master of torment, loves to tease her with tales of needles poking into eyeballs or jabbing underneath fingernails—perfect for a super-fun car ride, right? Yep, big brothers can be quite the nuisance.

“It hurt for just a moment,” I reassured her, but her skeptical expression told me she wasn’t buying it.

Given her fear of needles, I often ponder if she’ll ever choose to pierce her ears. I imagine the allure of shiny earrings will eventually win her over, likely around the age of 12 or 13. I can see her dragging herself into the piercing shop like she’s heading to the gallows. And trust me, I’ll be insisting they do both ears at once. I’ve had too many nightmares of her freaking out after just one—like her cousin did. (Good luck to her dad on that day!)

It would have been a breeze to pierce her ears when she was a baby or toddler. She wouldn’t have had a clue, it would have been over in a flash, and I could have sidestepped the impending drama of her preteen needle phobia. If we had done it back then, it would be just a hazy memory by now.

But I believe that every girl should realize from the start that her body is her own and that the choice to alter it belongs to her alone. I wouldn’t tattoo her, shave her head bald against her will, or pierce any other part of her body, and ears are no exception. I fully recognize that different cultures have various traditions regarding ear-piercing, and I respect that.

Perhaps there’s value in making these decisions tough and a bit scary. Maybe it’s better for her to have the memory of confronting her fears rather than just a blank spot in the past.

I vividly recall my own ear-piercing experience at the mall when I was 12. I was terrified, clutching a tattered bear that I knew was far too juvenile but oddly comforting. The sound of the piercing gun still rings in my ears, along with the sharp pain that followed. I also remember picking out my gold stars, the sensation of twisting them every day, and the stinging of antibiotic cream applied three times a day. I made that choice for myself, ready to handle every aspect of it.

I want my children to have the same empowering experience. I want to look them in the eye and affirm, “This is your body, your choice, your pain. You own it all.” I want them to understand that I don’t view their bodies as extensions of my own; they are autonomous individuals with the right to make their own decisions. Bodily autonomy is the gift I wish to give them, not merely a pair of shiny earrings from the mall.

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In summary, as a parent, I firmly believe in allowing my children to make their own choices regarding their bodies, including ear-piercing. It’s about empowering them to own their experiences and decisions, rather than imposing mine upon them.