Endless phone calls during dinner. Texts that interrupt precious moments of family time. Requests to handle urgent matters at midnight or on weekends. My spouse’s work often feels like the uninvited guest at our dinner table — and it’s not a person, but his job. If it were another woman, I could at least compete for attention. But how do I measure up against a paycheck, health insurance, and a retirement plan? He’s the main earner in our household, which sometimes leads me to feel like a single parent with a rich benefactor — though I guess he does provide essentials like sugar, flour, and frozen waffles!
On one side, I admire his commitment and work ethic. Yet, on the flip side, I can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy. While he’s busy climbing the corporate ladder, I’m managing most of the household responsibilities and, honestly, feeling a bit lonely too. The constant interruptions during our fleeting moments together make me want to take his work phone and toss it into a creek — after running over it a few times, of course. But that’s just who he is: driven and passionate about his career. If that means he’s away more than I’d prefer, I’ve had to adapt.
Over the years, we’ve developed some coping strategies to help us feel more connected when he’s busy and to lessen my feelings of isolation. Here’s what has worked for us:
Find Activities You Can Enjoy Together
Taking up a shared hobby can make the limited time you have together more enjoyable. It also alleviates the pressure to make every moment count. Plus, you can use the time he’s at work to hone those skills!
Engage in Solo Activities
If he’s not interested in binge-watching your favorite series, great! That just means you can indulge in those tear-jerking episodes of This is Us alone.
Invest in Yourself
Why not explore jiu-jitsu or pottery? You could dive into personal pampering without interruptions. Enjoy a home workout or a self-care night, and relish in the fact that there’s no audience for your beauty rituals.
Prioritize Date Nights
Set regular date nights to reconnect. When your schedules clash, these evenings become essential. Even a simple stroll through Home Depot can be a bonding experience.
Maximize Your Time Together
If you do manage to snag an evening, make it count. Avoid scrolling through your phones or getting into heated discussions about chores or bills. Create a phone-free zone just for the two of you.
Focus on the Positives
While it’s easy to dwell on the challenges of living with a workaholic, try to remember the perks. His job may provide you with the opportunity to stay home or offer excellent benefits. Sometimes, a little space can even strengthen your relationship.
Understand His Job
Feeling disconnected can be exacerbated when he talks shop, and you’re clueless about it all. Learn some industry lingo and get a sense of what his day looks like. This knowledge can bridge the gap.
Communicate Openly
It’s perfectly valid to express your feelings about his work schedule without sounding like a nag. Approach the conversation with care to avoid turning it into a blame game.
Plan Ahead
Spontaneous plans often clash with a busy work schedule. Make arrangements well in advance to ensure your partner can join without excuses.
Stay Connected Digitally
Even if you can’t chat for long, use technology to your advantage. A quick text, meme, or FaceTime during breaks can help you feel closer, even when he’s been gone for ages.
Being married to someone who’s married to their job can be exasperating, especially for those who crave quality time. But looking on the bright side, it’s better to face the overwork than to deal with no work at all.
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Summary
Navigating a relationship with a workaholic can be challenging, especially for those feeling lonely at home. By finding shared hobbies, focusing on personal growth, prioritizing date nights, and planning ahead, couples can stay connected despite busy schedules. Embracing the positives and communicating openly are key strategies to maintain a healthy relationship.