“Does your little one also enjoy watching that channel with the colorful toys? It’s a favorite in our house!”
I was far too enthusiastic about that. I found myself at my best friend’s birthday bash, chatting with one of her colleagues, and that’s how we connected — over our kids’ preferred YouTube stars. What has my life turned into?
What began as a casual introduction spiraled into a full-blown discussion about our go-to videos, the channels we can’t stand, and those we’ve deemed off-limits. I felt compelled to share my cautionary tale about the notorious “Bad Baby” videos. My child started picking up some rather cheeky habits after binge-watching them, and I aimed to spare everyone the same fate. You’re welcome, folks.
This simple chat evolved into a common interest, and we ended up sharing an Uber ride home that evening.
From Small Talk to Mom Talk
However, the night did not kick off that way. Initially, we were discussing topics like TV shows and tattoos—anything but our roles as moms. With a balanced mix of parents and non-parents at the gathering, we avoided diving into subjects like diaper changes and nap times.
But as the night progressed and the crowd dwindled to mostly mothers, it was like flipping a switch. It’s an unwritten rule: once you gather three or more moms, conversation will take a turn towards parenting topics. Am I right?
While it was refreshing to make a new mom friend, I knew that, much like many friendships born from parenting, it would likely be a surface-level connection based on our kids’ ability to play nicely for a few moments rather than a genuine bond beyond the playground.
I’m not on a quest for a new bestie, but wouldn’t it be nice to have conversations that aren’t child-centric? Sometimes, I yearn to chat about adult things, even if it’s as trivial as my obsession with reality TV or the latest trendy fashion.
The Shift in Friendships
Back in the day, making friends was a different game. All I wanted was to connect with someone who shared my interests—books, music, and delicious food. Even after college, it was about finding those coworkers I felt a genuine bond with. I wanted a friend to share a couch with, sipping wine while binge-watching our favorite shows or discussing life’s ups and downs—not potty training or pediatric appointments.
Even with my closest friends from the pre-mom era, who are now mothers too, our conversations inevitably circle back to our kids. We share countless memories, yet our connection is now defined by the shared journey of motherhood rather than our past experiences.
Playground Politics
My son and I spend ample time at the local playground, which has allowed me to become friendly with a few other parents in the area. When you’re sitting around while your child plays, there’s only so much you can do. Most of our conversations are pretty superficial—work, kids, you get the idea. If I’m talking to families I’ve known for a while, we might reminisce about how fast the kids are growing up. But even with a friendly rapport, we rarely suggest hanging out outside the playground. I often wonder, what on earth would we talk about?
When it comes to chatting with new moms, I hesitate to strike up a conversation. What do you even say? “Hey, I see you have a small human too! Let’s bond while our tiny humans race around together?” I think not. It’s a guessing game trying to gauge another mom’s interest; you’re always scanning for signs. If she’s not glued to her phone, maybe she’s open to chatting. But then there’s the body language to decipher. I usually end up feeling too shy and wait for her to make the first move.
The Icebreaker
One guaranteed icebreaker is complimenting someone’s adorable kid. I only do this if I genuinely mean it; I could never fake it. If I spot a cutie pie, I’ll let their parent know. If the “thank you” is followed by more engagement (meaning she doesn’t turn away), I’ll dive into a conversation. But inevitably, we end up discussing our little ones: their behaviors, how they play together (my kid is a notorious non-sharer, so I spend a lot of time apologizing). Outdoor interactions can be quite easygoing.
Indoors, however, it’s a different ball game. You’re somewhat forced to be social; you can’t pretend to be deeply engrossed in your phone. Of course, things can still get awkward. Here I go again: “So, I see you’ve made a tiny human, and I have too. Should we chat while our little ones run amok?”
Mom Friends and Dating
Making mom friends feels a lot like online dating. You’re never quite sure if someone is who they seem, and when you finally meet, the awkwardness is palpable. Where do you put your hands? Do I look ridiculous in this outfit? Why did I choose these pants today? Am I sniffling too much? We’ve all been there.
I’m not sure how to wrap this up because I’m clearly struggling. I want friends, but I’m exhausted and at a loss for words. Plus, some days I wonder if I even want to socialize at all because, once again, I’m so tired. Yep, making mom friends truly resembles online dating. There’s even an app for that!
Resources for Parents
If you’re interested in exploring more about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource. And for those navigating the journey of parenthood, consider checking out this blog to stay engaged. You can also find a helpful guide on fertility and insemination here, as they are an authority on the topic.
Summary
In this humorous look at the struggles of making friends as a parent, Jenna Millstone shares her experiences of bonding over kids, the awkwardness of new connections, and the longing for conversations that go beyond parenting. Navigating friendships in motherhood can feel like dating, filled with uncertainty and exhaustion, but there’s always hope for genuine connections.