I’m a proud mom of two incredible little ones, and as my youngest approaches his fourth birthday this summer, I’m reminded of the rollercoaster ride that was our breastfeeding journey. In fact, I only stopped nursing him in January of last year, and let me tell you, we both shed a few tears during that weaning process. It left me feeling emotionally drained and, honestly, a bit touched-out.
So, when my partner and I discovered we were expecting baby number three, my heart swirled with a mix of excitement and anxiety. How could I possibly go through the breastfeeding saga again? Cue the guilt trip!
Many moms might scratch their heads at the idea of someone like me—who has successfully nursed a toddler—feeling anxious about breastfeeding again. But here’s the thing: my new baby isn’t even here yet, and I’m already feeling overwhelmed at the thought of diving back into it.
Reflecting on My Previous Experiences
With my firstborn, things started off rocky. He spent his early days in the NICU, learning how to feed via a tube. My husband and I were relentless in our efforts to provide him with my breast milk, spending countless hours in skin-to-skin contact and trying unsuccessfully to get him to latch. It broke my heart that breastfeeding felt like a total flop, but seeing him thrive made it easier to push my own feelings aside.
Fast forward to my second child, who latched on like a pro right from the start and didn’t let go for nearly three years! While breastfeeding isn’t my favorite pastime, I can’t deny the deep bond it created between us. Even now, as he no longer nurses, I still feel that primal urge to hold him close and comfort him with gentle touches and soothing songs.
The Emotional Complexity of Breastfeeding
But let’s be real: during those years of breastfeeding, I often felt like my body belonged to someone else. My arms, my lap, my breasts – it was all about him. There’s this expectation that moms should be selfless and willing to share every part of themselves with their children, but I often found myself exhausted, dealing with clogged ducts and feeling “touched out.” I wanted my body back, and I could sense that it was time to wean.
After months of trying to navigate this emotional complexity, I finally consulted a lactation expert who helped me devise a gentle weaning plan. It was a bittersweet moment filled with tears for both of us, marking the end of a beautiful yet complicated chapter.
Let me clarify: despite the challenges, I cherished my breastfeeding experience with my youngest. It played a significant role in fostering our strong connection. However, the personal struggles and the pressure to “succeed” weighed heavily on my heart. As I approach the end of my pregnancy with baby number three, I find myself wrestling with anxiety about whether this new breastfeeding journey will mirror the emotional rollercoaster of my first experience.
Facing My Fears
I often worry that I’ll fail like I did initially and that I won’t enjoy breastfeeding as I’m “supposed” to. My partner keeps reassuring me, reminding me that we have two healthy kids and that even if breastfeeding doesn’t pan out, it’s not the end of the world. He often holds my hand and tells me that worrying is just a sign of how much I care about doing what’s best for our family, even if that means not nursing this time around.
Breastfeeding is way more complicated than just sticking a breast in a baby’s mouth. It’s a multifaceted emotional and physiological experience for both mother and child. When complications arise, they can leave a lasting impact on a mother’s heart.
So, as I count down the days until I meet my third little one, I’m also working hard to calm my nerves and fears about breastfeeding again. I keep reminding myself that it might work out, or it might not, but either way, we’ll be just fine. If you’re navigating similar feelings, resources like WomensHealth.gov can be a great help, and if you’re looking for more information about home insemination, check out Make A Mom, an authority on the topic.
Conclusion
In conclusion, being a mom is a journey filled with ups and downs, and every experience shapes us in unique ways. Whether breastfeeding goes smoothly or presents challenges, what truly matters is the love we give our children.