Updated: February 25, 2021
Originally Published: March 14, 2017
I vividly remember the moment I kissed my partner, Alex, goodbye before his surgery. I mustered a smile, desperately trying to hold back the tears. Afterward, while waiting with friends, I was suddenly engulfed in confusion. Where was I? What was happening? My mind was a whirlwind. It wasn’t until I locked eyes with my closest friend that the floodgates opened. I burst into tears, releasing a torrent of fear, anxiety, and stress that had built up during the lead-up to Alex’s brain surgery. My body had finally found a way to express the emotional chaos within me.
In the time between discovering the significant tumor in Alex’s brain and the surgery to remove it, I had managed to prepare for the logistics of our ordeal. However, I neglected my own emotional wellbeing, and my body was clearly communicating that it couldn’t take it anymore.
Self-care is not merely a luxury for those who care for others; it’s a vital necessity for maintaining the energy, patience, and positivity required to support a loved one through serious illness—whether that person is your parent, spouse, child, or friend. Here’s how to prioritize your own wellbeing:
Step 1: Recognize Your Needs
For me, self-care includes three essential activities: yoga, pampering myself with pedicures, and spending time with friends. Dedicating time each week to at least one of these activities rejuvenates me. While they may seem trivial, I can assure you that if I feel good about myself, I can tackle anything. So, I’ve stopped feeling guilty about investing in these little pleasures—they’re crucial for my mental health. Whether it’s a solo trip to a bookstore or a peaceful walk in the park, these moments shift from the “I want” to the “I need” category. Embrace what helps you recharge, and don’t apologize for it.
Step 2: Don’t Hesitate to Seek Help
In simpler terms, don’t be a martyr. You absolutely cannot do this alone. Sure, you could try, but you’d likely end up exhausted and depleted. Caring for a sick loved one is akin to running a marathon; even marathon runners need support, whether it’s from cheerleaders or water stations along the route. Self-care involves acknowledging that you require others to succeed in this journey.
Step 3: Learn to Say No
I used to pride myself on being a multitasking whiz. The more I had on my plate, the more productive I felt. This often led me to overcommit, whether it was volunteering at my child’s school or assisting friends with their projects. However, I learned that you can’t pour from an empty cup. As a caregiver, your plate is overflowing, so I made the conscious choice to dial back my commitments. I might not spearhead the school’s fundraiser this year, and you know what? That’s okay. I’ll have plenty of time to engage later. Sometimes, saying no is necessary for your own wellbeing.
Step 4: Let Yourself Fall Apart
I’ve come to understand that self-care isn’t always about maintaining control. During that chaotic moment in the waiting room, my body reacted in a way I couldn’t control—I was shaking, crying, and releasing pent-up emotions. Thankfully, I had a friend who is a psychologist to guide me through it. She explained that our bodies often know what we need better than we do. In moments of distress, simply telling someone to “calm down” isn’t enough; sometimes you must allow yourself to fall apart to find clarity and relief. Giving yourself permission to cry, yell, or even hit a pillow can be immensely cathartic.
Hours later, when I heard that Alex’s surgery was successful and saw him awake, I realized that my journey as a caregiver had only just begun. It’s a long and winding road, but I’m confident that prioritizing my self-care is essential for both of us to stay on track.
If you’re looking for more insights, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. Plus, if you’re curious about home insemination kits, this site has some great options. And for more tips on self-care as a caregiver, take a look at our other post about nurturing your own needs here.
In summary, self-care is not an indulgence; it’s a necessity for caregivers. By recognizing your needs, asking for help, setting boundaries, and allowing yourself to express emotions, you can better support your loved ones while maintaining your own wellbeing.