I Survived the Toddler Years with 3 Little Ones, But Navigating Their Older Years is a Whole New Challenge

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Every new parent hears the advice: establish a routine and stick to it. I certainly did, especially after the birth of my first child. When my two subsequent little ones joined the party, I craved some sort of order amidst the chaos. A routine became my lifeline.

Of course, “smooth sailing” is a phrase that rarely applies to life with children, particularly when you have more than one. You quickly learn that you can’t rely on them to eat or sleep as expected, and you never know when an unfortunate diaper blowout will strike (usually right after you’ve settled them into high chairs at a restaurant). All you can do is brace yourself for the unexpected, and even then it’s a gamble.

During those early years, I clung tight to that routine. It was my safety net. Even on days when lunchtime turned into chaos, with one child refusing to eat and another sobbing over improperly sliced apples, I could count on the comforting thought of nap time around the corner. If my little one fussed in the grocery store, a snack or drink would usually do the trick. I had our favorite TV shows down to a science. I knew that if I started dinner and chaos erupted, I could step away and return later. Emergencies took priority; everything else could wait.

I often realized this sooner rather than later. Moms have a tendency to complicate things by trying to do it all, but I knew where my kids were (usually right at my feet), and I felt they were safe. Sure, some days were tougher than others, but I could manage the day-to-day grind, as long as I had a sense of what to expect next.

Dishes could pile up in the sink, laundry could wait for days if we were under the weather. I could let the kids munch on fruit snacks while I indulged in some reading, baking, or just needed a moment of peace. We could even go days without getting dressed if I was feeling particularly drained.

I could buckle them into the car seats, and with a bit of luck, one would doze off. A quick drive-thru stop for coffee was my escape, where I could sit in the parking lot and zone out. Sure, there were days filled with tears, but sometimes you just need to get out of the house without a wrestling match. Who cared if they were wearing shoes or coats if we were merely sitting in the car? A change of scenery, along with some fries and a cold drink, worked wonders for those exhausting days.

In those trenches, I was holding it together. I dealt with the fatigue, the frustration, and the tension of not truly enjoying every moment, even when I felt I should. I had my hiding spots—whether it was the bathroom or a quick call to my best friend while the kids napped. It might not have looked “together,” but somehow, I managed.

The magic of having little kids is how quickly they can erase your stress. One moment you’re on the verge of losing it, and an hour later they do something so charming that all your worries evaporate. Their innocent laughter, the adorable way they mispronounce words, or the sweet kisses they plant on your cheek linger with you long after. The monumental challenges of the day fade into the background, replaced by an overwhelming love you feel for them.

But now that my kids are older, I’m finding myself in uncharted territory. They’re self-sufficient, quieter, and many days are downright serene. I get more sleep, have a bit more energy, and enjoy precious “me time.” It’s a beautiful phase, no doubt, but the issues they face are so much larger and don’t fade away as easily.

I can’t just escape to the bathroom when my son wants to discuss the latest drama with his friends. I can’t simply lay my daughter down for a nap when she’s dealing with friendship conflicts. Their lives are now a mix of exhilarating highs and tumultuous lows, and I’m forced to confront these challenges head-on. Fruit snacks won’t cut it anymore (though they’re still a pantry staple), and I can’t brush aside their feelings or the weighty topics we’re facing.

So yes, I’ve emerged from the trenches, but I find myself struggling more than I did back then. Getting dressed and leaving the house is now a daily requirement, regardless of our moods. The hurdles we encounter today? They can feel overwhelming. I miss the resilience and determination I had during the toddler years.

Yet, when I see my daughter reaching out to befriend a lonely classmate or witness my son thriving while volunteering at a local charity, it reminds me why this journey is worthwhile. The struggle is real, but it’s always been worth it, and I must keep pushing through. And sometimes, a moment spent staring out the window with a Diet Coke in hand really does help.

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Summary: Parenting evolves from the chaotic toddler days to the more complex challenges of raising older kids. While routines once provided comfort, the stakes are higher now that the kids are self-sufficient. The joy of their accomplishments keeps parents motivated through the struggles of adolescence.