March 16, 2023
It’s become a bit cliché to pen apologies to our younger kiddos. We often reflect on how the rules have loosened for them compared to their older siblings. A humorous recount of the early words they’ve picked up, the movies they’ve watched ahead of schedule, and the not-so-healthy snacks they’ve enjoyed.
Truth be told, many of these articles aren’t really apologies; they’re more like parental high-fives for being laid-back and chill. The reality is, if we’re honest with ourselves, the innocence of our younger kids frequently gets overshadowed by the experiences of their older siblings.
In today’s world, where we’re pushing our kids to be older and more advanced through practices like redshirting, we often forget that being young and innocent isn’t a flaw. Instead of cherishing their youth, we inadvertently nudge them towards growing up faster than they should. We hold our younger kids to the same standards we set for our firstborns, which isn’t always fair.
I’m guilty of this, too. My 8-year-old, Jamie, has a later bedtime than his older brother had at that age. He’s been part of conversations that are well beyond his maturity level. He’s seen movies and listened to songs that have aged him prematurely. He’s become more independent and responsible, often preferring to hang out with his brother’s friends instead of his own peers.
But being the youngest isn’t all bad. However, we must remember to heed their signals—both spoken and unspoken—that they still want to be little and need the space to be so.
The other night, while we were having dinner, Jamie slid off his chair and perched himself on mine, playing with my hair just like he did when he was four. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t rush him or tell him to finish eating. We simply continued our conversation as he twisted my hair into knots, eventually asking for help when he got stuck.
In that moment, I realized how often I’ve treated him like a mini-version of his older brother. I’ve overlooked the fact that he is still so young. I remembered how many times he’s wanted to play games that are more suited for kids much younger, like Chutes and Ladders, even while asking to tackle Scrabble. We even dug out those old board books and shared giggles while reading them for the first time in years.
So here’s my promise to you, my sweet Jamie:
I vow to remember that you’re just 8. I’ll make an effort not to hold you to the same expectations I have for your brother. I’ll nurture the wonder you see in the world around you.
I promise not to rush through your imaginative stories, just because your brother has somewhere to be. I’ll read you picture books and bring back those silly voices that make you laugh. I’ll sit still while you snuggle in my lap, even when chores beckon.
I’ll always watch Curious George with you, regardless if your brother wants to dive into Star Wars. I’ll let you enjoy playing Sharks and Minnows with the big kids before joining you for those underwater tea parties and cheering on your attempts at handstands.
I’ll do my best to shield you from the harsh realities of the world—keeping you blissfully unaware for as long as I can. I’ll let you be young, even if you pretend to be mad when I remind you that you’re not ready for certain things.
I’ll listen when you express your desire to be little, to let your mind and heart catch up with the world’s hurried pace. I promise to give you the independence you crave while also providing the guidance you need.
I won’t rush you through your childhood. I’ll be there to pick up the pieces when you fall apart, holding your hand, your heart, and showering you with love.
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In summary, I promise to cherish Jamie’s childhood, allowing him to grow at his own pace, embracing his innocence while also supporting his independence.