When my girls were little, their endless inquiries about life were downright charming. “Why is the sky blue?” “Why do dogs smell each other?” “Why does Dad go potty standing up?” These were the delightful musings of toddlers. But as they transitioned into their tween years, the “whys” took on a whole new tone, becoming a source of irritation.
“Please clean your room,” I’d say, only to be met with a defiant, “Why?” My instinct was to respond with, “Because I said so!” but I held back. Suddenly, the questions shifted to more pressing matters: “Why can’t I have my own phone?” “Why do I have to turn off the TV?” “Why isn’t our house as nice as Jenny’s?” “Why do I have to go to bed at 8?” “Why won’t you buy me that expensive thing?” After a barrage of these demands, I felt drained. Tempted to tell them to stop questioning and just behave, I found myself wondering: is this really what I want?
Do I want to raise girls who remain quiet, never challenge authority, and simply follow instructions? Absolutely not! My daughters will encounter all sorts of situations as they grow up, and I want them to be able to confidently ask “why” in uncomfortable situations, whether it’s from peers, partners, or even me. They need to know they deserve answers and that they have the right—and the power—to say no.
While some may disagree with this approach, I refuse to teach my daughters to respect authority blindly, no matter who it comes from—even if it’s me. Sure, it would be easier to enforce rules without questions, but I’d rather work diligently to provide logical explanations. I want to cultivate a relationship based on respect, empathy, and teamwork, inspiring my daughters to willingly say yes to my requests instead of coercing them into compliance.
I’d prefer they push back—even if it’s frustrating—than to feel powerless. I want to raise girls who advocate for themselves, even if that means practicing their assertiveness with me. So when they ask, “Why do I have to wash my hair?” I feel a mix of annoyance and pride. I want them to assert what feels right for them, just as I do (and yes, that sometimes includes putting off washing my own hair!).
What may seem like rebellion now could blossom into critical thinking, healthy self-care, and a rock-solid confidence—qualities I’m still mastering in my 40s. You might wonder, why encourage this? Because I learned to stay quiet and follow orders for too long, only starting to question the world much later in life. I don’t want my daughters to waste any time doing the same.
If you’re eager to learn more about parenting and empowering your children, check out this insightful piece on home insemination techniques. For those interested in more information about self-insemination, Make a Mom is a great resource. And if you’re navigating pregnancy, March of Dimes offers excellent guidance.
Summary
Encouraging our daughters to ask “why” fosters critical thinking and self-advocacy. Rather than teaching them to follow orders blindly, we should inspire them to seek answers and assert their needs, preparing them for life’s challenges.