Have you ever met a flawless parent? Spoiler alert: You haven’t. Raising kids to become respectful and dignified individuals is no walk in the park. That’s why there’s an abundance of parenting blogs, books, seminars, and podcasts. Parents love to share experiences to figure out what works best. When it comes to discipline, there are countless approaches to guide kids in managing their impulsive behavior. Most parents rely on a blend of open communication, suitable consequences, and consistent rules along with positive reinforcement.
However, some parents choose a more shocking route—publicly humiliating their children as a form of discipline. This disturbing trend has gained traction with social media, allowing parents to amplify their frustrations by posting degrading photos of their kids (think: getting their head shaved or wearing a sign in public). This is not discipline; it’s child abuse, and it needs to end.
I’m not referring to a mom throwing a stern look at her kid for being a little monster at the park or a parent yelling out of sheer frustration—those are merely part of the parenting journey, not abusive behavior. I’m talking about deliberately making your child feel worthless for typical childhood missteps, like talking back or sneaking a $20 bill. Such minor offenses won’t lead to a life of crime, but the overreactions of parents might. At the very least, these forms of punishment can crush a child’s self-esteem and shatter their trust in the very people who should love them unconditionally, and that’s where I draw the line.
Take, for instance, the infamous “Get Along Shirt” meme, depicting two visibly upset kids forced to wear an oversized shirt together. The idea is that they must resolve their differences before they can be freed from this absurd contraption. The real punishment? Their images plastered all over the internet. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There are also photos of children standing on street corners holding signs that read “I’m a liar” or “I stole from my parents,” meant to humiliate them even further. These signs invite honks, stares, and jeers from passersby. And because simply shaming them isn’t sufficient, parents snap photos to showcase their “parenting skills” online, earning applause for their “tough love.”
The most outrageous example I’ve seen is a viral video celebrated as nostalgic parenting where a child’s head is shaved against his will, styled to resemble an old man’s haircut. Dubbed the “Benjamin Button Special,” this punishment is reserved for parents at their wit’s end, meting out long-lasting shame for their child’s minor mistakes. Some parents genuinely believe they’re teaching their kids essential life lessons that will mold them into well-adjusted adults.
Let’s set the record straight: humiliation doesn’t impart valuable lessons. It teaches children that they are insignificant, that mistakes will lead to public ridicule and devaluation. What kind of parent wants their child to feel like garbage for typical childhood mischief? And why would any parent want to subject their child to such treatment?
Kids are inherently impulsive, and it takes years of compassionate parenting and age-appropriate guidance to help them learn where normal behavior ends and unacceptable actions begin. Parenting expert, Michael Green, highlights in a piece on parenting strategies that humiliation doesn’t teach children to behave as their parents wish; instead, it instills a sense of distrust. Children learn that their parent is not a caring ally but rather an enforcer to be avoided. The lesson becomes not about respecting others, but about avoiding consequences.
Parents who resort to public humiliation as punishment are unwittingly setting their children up for potentially harmful behavior patterns in the future. Rather than teaching respect, they cultivate fear and distance. As a mother, I can’t fathom my child wanting to steer clear of me. I strive for my kids to seek me out for love, guidance, and safety. I would never do anything to jeopardize that sacred bond.
If you’ve engaged in this practice—whether by publicly shaming your child or encouraging such behavior in others on social media—I urge you to reconsider. Please stop, not for my sake, but for your children’s. They deserve better.
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In conclusion, public humiliation as a disciplinary method is a misguided approach that does more harm than good. Instead, we should focus on nurturing and guiding our children with love and respect.