I still vividly recall my first therapy session when my therapist asked me to jot down words that captured my essence or things I appreciated about myself. I managed to summon five. A mere five! Honestly, it felt a bit pitiful.
Related: How To Embrace Self-Love Because, Let’s Face It, You’re Incredible!
My mind was a blank canvas when it came to self-appreciation, and I certainly wasn’t inclined to boast about my strengths. However, with time and the guidance of my therapist, I unearthed an impressive list of attributes from within myself, which I now keep tucked away in a desk drawer. It was challenging to acknowledge so many aspects of myself while I was entrenched in a cycle of low self-worth. I had to consciously shift my perspective from the negative to the positive, which was a significant departure from my usual thought patterns.
This struggle persists daily.
She advised me to revisit that list from time to time, but I haven’t. Yet, that exercise opened my eyes to my chronic insecurity and low self-esteem, which were doing me no favors. As a parent now, I desire to model confidence for my children. I want them to embrace their uniqueness without reservations.
Throughout my life, insecurities have been my unwelcome companions—who doesn’t have them? I remember being unable to make decisions without support, constantly trying to please others in hopes of being liked. But just as we can’t control a toddler’s mood swings, we can’t dictate who likes us. This relentless quest for approval led to a deep sense of inadequacy because I believed my self-worth depended on others’ validation.
Body image has also been a long-standing struggle for me. At just 15, I felt ashamed of a tiny roll of fat on my waist, often comparing myself to others while wearing a leotard for school activities. My mom’s habit of pointing out women on the street and asking if her behind was as large as theirs didn’t help either.
Feeling insecure is tough, and I’ve been a master at it for years. If I were to compile a list of my insecurities, it would cover a vast range—from fears of not being a good mother to worrying about how I look in a swimsuit while playing with my kids at the pool. Just a couple of years ago, my list of insecurities would have far outweighed the things I loved about myself.
I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I’m finally settling into motherhood after a decade and three kids or if it’s the approach of my 40s, but I’m finally feeling less insecure. It’s like taking a deep breath after years of struggling with self-doubt.
So, what has changed? It’s likely a mix of therapy, my effort to model self-love for my kids, and the realization that others may not be scrutinizing me as much as I think. And if they are? They probably aren’t my tribe.
Getting Here Wasn’t Without Effort
Here are a few strategies that have helped me break free from chronic insecurity:
- I Celebrate My Achievements.
I’m not strutting around declaring, “I’m amazing!” but in my mind, I definitely remind myself of my accomplishments. When battling negative self-talk, consciously listing my daily achievements—no matter how small—has been a game-changer. Even mundane tasks like tackling the laundry or decluttering the kitchen count. - I Shift My Focus.
This is perhaps the toughest hurdle for those of us grappling with chronic insecurity. By prioritizing my children’s needs or lending a hand to a neighbor, I actively cultivate self-love. Helping others, including my family, boosts my self-worth and reminds me of my value—after all, my family would be in chaos without me! - I No Longer Seek Validation.
I’ve made a conscious choice to do things for myself, not for my husband’s or kids’ approval. By prioritizing my own needs, I feel a sense of accomplishment that’s independent of others’ opinions. - I Accept Compliments.
Even though I don’t seek praise, when I do receive compliments, I try to embrace them. When my child tells me I’m a great mom or when someone acknowledges my patience in a tough moment, I strive to see myself through their perspective, reinforcing my self-worth rather than undermining it. - I Avoid Comparisons.
With the visibility into others’ lives thanks to social media, it’s all too easy to fall into the comparison trap. Instead, I’ve learned to focus on my own journey, which has made a significant difference in my self-perception.
In a world filled with negativity, it’s essential to cultivate positivity. I’m making it my mission to shine a light on the goodness within myself and my children. I hope that by shedding my insecurities, my kids will confidently embrace who they are just as I aim to. I want to break the cycle so they won’t have to fight this battle themselves.
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