I vividly recall munching on cheesy puffs after school while a commercial for some perfume played on the TV. It was the ’80s, and I was all about being a girl who loved her scents, but this ad? Ugh. The woman in it looked utterly ridiculous.
She was twirling her perfect hair and belting out a tune about bringing home the bacon, frying it up in a pan, and then, after juggling the kids and putting them to bed, she took a moment for herself with a spritz of perfume—because, you know, she had to look good for her man.
All I could think was: Where the heck was he during dinner, bath time, and bedtime while she exhausted herself? I wasn’t even a pre-teen yet, and I was already questioning why she seemed so thrilled with her life. It looked utterly draining, and I was tired just imagining it. When does she get to enjoy herself?
Now, don’t misunderstand me—I believe in women’s empowerment. We can do anything we set our minds to, and if being a 24/7 superwoman is your jam, more power to you. But I know I am not one of those women. I have a daily cutoff point, and let me tell you, I refuse to spend my life trying to make everyone else happy around the clock. That’s not my job.
Can we bring home the bacon? Absolutely. We work just as hard (if not harder) than men and earn between 55 to 79 cents for every dollar they make, depending on our race. Can we cook it up when we get home? You bet! I can sizzle bacon or whip up any meal like a pro. But I prefer to do that only sometimes—maybe 55% to 79% of the time sounds fair.
Some evenings, I kick back and order sushi, eating it straight from the container. Other nights, I declare it’s “whatever” night (translation: eat whatever you can find), and everyone is delighted—especially me.
When it comes to parenting, I can manage it with my hands tied behind my back, but if there’s any hope for some partner-pleasing later on, I need backup—preferably two hands. After all, we have a lot of kids, and my partner is a parent too. It’s not “helping me” or “babysitting” or just doing chores; it’s called sharing responsibilities because we’re in this together. We both chose to have kids and raise them as a team.
I’ve tried to be that woman who can do it all, and let me tell you, she comes with resentment and a heavy dose of “I don’t want to live this way because I matter too.” So, I stopped. I’d rather be happy than have someone ask, “How do you manage everything?” Spoiler alert: It’s through self-neglect. Just because you can be that 24/7 woman doesn’t mean you have to be.
I realize this commercial aired ages ago, and while a lot has changed since then, some things remain the same. I still see and hear women feeling that relentless pressure to do everything; to look perfect; to have the dream career, the family, a spotless home, kids excelling in school and sports; to find time to volunteer; to be that woman in the ad—running around and doing everything flawlessly. But here’s the truth: She doesn’t exist.
Deep down, we all know this. You can’t do it all without burning out. We recognize this when we struggle to keep up, feeling inadequate, moody, and exhausted. Trust me, plenty of us are right there in the trenches with you. It’s not you—it’s the unrealistic expectations we impose on ourselves to be these idealized versions of homemakers. And it’s exhausting.
We can excel at a few things, but trying to tackle everything at once leads to chaos, including chaos within ourselves. If women everywhere burn out, we all know this ship will sink faster than you can say, “Bring home the bacon.”
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In summary, it’s essential to recognize that striving to be a perfect 24/7 caregiver is unrealistic. Prioritize your well-being and share responsibilities with your partner, because self-care is not just a luxury, it’s a necessity.