On the morning of my uncle’s funeral, I found myself sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly out the window while my coffee grew cold in my hands. Just then, my daughter, who was 7 at the time, climbed onto my lap for a comforting hug. I inhaled the scent of her freshly washed hair, grateful for this quiet moment. But then she squirmed down and asked, “Mom, did you pack my play-outside clothes?” When I told her we would be dressing nicely for the service, she looked confused. “But Mommy, we’re going to get so dirty!” she insisted.
In that moment, I realized she thought we’d actually be digging a hole for my uncle, and I couldn’t help but chuckle at her innocent misunderstanding. Funerals are challenging enough for adults, but for kids, they can be downright bewildering. Deciding how to involve your child in the grieving process can be tricky. Should you let them visit your loved one in their final days? Should they attend the funeral and witness raw grief? While there are no one-size-fits-all answers, here are four helpful strategies to prepare your child for a funeral or a loved one’s passing.
1. Be Honest and Prepare for Unexpected Questions
My kids bombarded me with questions after my uncle’s death, ranging from the practical to the philosophical. They were curious about where he was after passing and what he’d be doing until we could arrange everything. They even asked if heaven was warm or cold! We answered each question truthfully, without judgment, understanding they were processing their grief in their own unique way.
2. Share Age-Appropriate Books on Death
This may sound grim, but reading can be incredibly beneficial. Children often connect with stories and characters, and several excellent resources exist for parents navigating this tough topic. When my daughter was grappling with her grandfather’s death, her school counselor provided a Sesame Street book featuring Big Bird dealing with loss. It worked wonders for us, and I often recommend it to other parents in similar situations.
3. Gift Stuffed Animals
Taking a tip from a friend, my kids chose three identical teddy bears before my uncle’s funeral—one for each of them and one to accompany him in the casket. These bears became a tangible link to him and a source of comfort in the months that followed. Children respond well to the warmth of stuffed animals, providing them reassurance on what can be an emotionally heavy day.
4. Don’t Shield Them from the Dying Process
When my uncle was diagnosed with cancer, he was vibrant and full of life. As time went on, he became frail, but my kids just saw the man who always smiled during their visits. After his passing, they were surprised to see how sick he had looked in photos we shared. Kids have a remarkable ability to perceive beyond the physical aspects of dying, and they can often surprise you with their understanding.
Reflecting on my uncle’s passing, I realize it was my children’s innocent perspectives that helped me navigate my own grief. Their simple, honest outlooks provided laughter in moments when I otherwise felt like crying.
If you’re looking for more thoughtful parenting advice, check out our blog on home insemination kits and other related topics that can help you navigate life’s challenges.
Summary
Navigating a child’s first experience with death and funerals can be daunting, but being honest, reading appropriate literature, providing comfort items, and allowing them to witness the process can help. These moments of togetherness and understanding can foster healing for both you and your child.