The other night, my daughter excitedly told me about a card she created for Valentine’s Day. “At school,” she clarified, “I made you a really special Valentine’s Day card at school.”
“Wow, that’s wonderful!” I replied, genuinely thrilled.
“Oh wait,” she said, her face lighting up. “I meant Mudder’s Day! I made you a card for Mudder’s Day!” Her joy was infectious, and in that moment, nothing could diminish the spirit of Mudder’s Day—or Valentine’s Day, for that matter.
As a child, I shared that same enthusiasm for holidays. They sparkled with a magical charm; Mother’s Day was a celebration wrapped in love and warmth. It was about the beautiful bouquets of dandelions, glittery handmade cards, and all the simple joys that childhood brings. I was lucky to have a happy childhood, where Mother’s Day represented devotion and maternal love.
Back then, I couldn’t fathom that Mother’s Day might carry a more complicated reality. It seemed as absurd as believing the Easter Bunny was the offspring of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. But now, as an adult, I’ve come to understand the nuanced feelings that Mother’s Day can evoke for many women.
For some, the day is as lovely as portrayed in commercials. Yet for countless others, it’s a day filled with heartache, longing, and mixed emotions. Mother’s Day can become a jagged blend of happiness, sorrow, gratitude, and regret.
For many, this day is a painful reminder of loss. There are friends mourning their mothers, whether this is their first Mother’s Day without her or they’ve spent years without her guidance. Some women face the heartache of infertility or miscarriage, while others may find themselves without a partner to share the joys and challenges of motherhood. There are those with strained relationships with their mothers or those who have experienced the unimaginable loss of a child, a grief that never truly fades.
I won’t pretend to comprehend the depth of your pain on this day. My own Mother’s Day experiences have had their disappointments, but those are minor compared to the profound grief some carry. I am fortunate to have a mother I admire and a partner who shows appreciation every day, not just on special occasions.
While I can’t fully grasp the sorrow you may be feeling, I want you to know that I see you. I see the sadness in your eyes and hear the regret in your voice. I recognize the fierce love you have for the children you do have, shaped by the ones you’ve lost. I see the way you cherish your nieces and nephews with a dedication that parents sometimes struggle to maintain amidst life’s chaos. Your silence speaks volumes when conversations turn to motherhood.
Although I have not walked your path or faced your struggles, please know that you are seen, you are heard, and you are loved.
Happy Mudder’s Day. Happy Muddy Day. Or even Happy Valentine’s Day. Just remember, you are not alone in this.
For those seeking support and information about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from the CDC. You may also find helpful insights in this other blog post.
In summary, Mother’s Day can evoke a wide range of emotions, especially for those grappling with loss or challenges in motherhood. Acknowledging the complexity of these feelings is crucial, as is recognizing that no one is alone in their experiences.