7 Realities of Being a Crunchy Mom

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Have you ever run into one of those crunchy moms at the supermarket? You know the type: inspecting organic fruits, chatting with her 4-year-old about protecting the planet, and lamenting about the horrors of GMOs? (Guilty as charged! But I know there are less intense crunchy moms out there—I just happen to be a bit extra.) Or perhaps you’ve had a cringe-worthy encounter with one that left you forever skeptical of their hemp-wearing ways? Well, as a self-declared crunchy mom, let me share seven candid truths about our kind that we typically keep under wraps:

1. Sometimes We Don’t Like Other Crunchy Moms
   Trust me, we totally get it. There’s nothing more frustrating than being interrupted mid-sentence by someone who condescendingly asks why your child isn’t enrolled in toddler meditation classes (or scolds you for vaccinating them or letting them indulge in GMO ice cream on their birthday). We just roll our eyes and silently meditate. Not all crunchy moms are overbearing, but some definitely are, and we’re right there with you non-crunchy moms on that front.
2. Grocery Shopping Can Bring Us to Tears
   If you see us at the grocery store with a frazzled look and a bunch of pens stuck in our hair, it’s because we’re on the verge of a certified organic breakdown. Most crunchy moms follow alternative diets—be it vegetarian, waste-free, vegan, or GMO-free—and let’s be honest, commercial grocery stores are not exactly our allies. If you ask what’s wrong, be prepared for a 30-minute rant about Monsanto and our existential crises.
3. We Generate More Waste Than We Care to Admit
   We love chanting the recycling mantra: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle! But here’s the truth: kids are kids. My crunchy kid produces just as much trash as yours does (and yes, it drives me absolutely bonkers). We know this just as well as you do; we just prefer to gloss over it.
4. We Lose Our Cool Just Like Every Other Mom
   Some Sunday mornings, when chaos strikes before 10 a.m., even a gigantic cup of herbal tea and a bit of sage can’t save us. On those days, we might contemplate banging our heads against the wall to regain our inner peace.
5. Our Kids Are Not Always Zen
   Despite our meditation sessions and love for crystals, there’s no stopping our toddlers from having meltdowns over the smallest things. We may have found some clarity through our alternative practices, but we often forget that emotional growth takes time. Honestly, I’m more focused on raising a polite, potty-trained child than a genius, and I’m sure most crunchy moms are too.
6. Self-Care? What’s That?
   We could list out our ideal self-care routines faster than we can whip up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The snag? We often run out of time to actually practice self-care after we’ve prepared that sandwich and cleaned up the inevitable mess—why did we even buy that white carpet?
7. We Sometimes Lie About Choosing Yoga Over Sleep
   Let’s face it: sleep wins out over yoga more often than we’d like to admit. Considering how we overlook our personal needs (see No. 5), we sometimes opt for extra shut-eye instead of our important, balancing exercises, and we might fib about it to make ourselves feel better—because if we pretend we have it all together, maybe one day we really will.

We’re Just Like Any Other Mom
No amount of meditation can change the fact that motherhood is the toughest job out there, and we all know it. At the end of the day, we don’t care how you raise your kids as omnivores any more than you care about ours being vegetarians. We’re all just faking it till we make it, hoping our kids turn out alright. Instead of judging the mom next to us, let’s lift each other up.

Regardless of whether you’re a crunchy mom, a gym-loving mom, a hard-working mom, or a combination of all, you wake up each day to tackle the hardest job in the world. So here’s a salute to all of you!

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