The Bittersweet Truth of Watching Your Kids Grow Apart

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Their favorite dish. The song that makes them dance. The TV show they binge. The pajamas they refuse to part with. The bedtime story they want on repeat. Who their best friend is, or maybe their second best friend. The school subject that drives them nuts. Their favorite athlete, social media star, or rock band.

I’d wager you can rattle off all of these details about your children without skipping a beat. You’re their mom, after all. You’ve been in the passenger seat of their lives, witnessing firsthand the evolution of their preferences and personalities. You’re always there. Always.

Moms have an intimate understanding of their kids, and it’s a comforting feeling to hold onto that knowledge. It means you’re still their primary confidante. At least, that is, until the day comes when you’re not.

Picture this: One day, you overhear them texting a new friend whose name you don’t even recognize. Or they excitedly talk about a movie they saw last weekend, and you think, “Wait, you went to the movies without me?” Then there’s that moment when they decide to buy their own socks and underwear with their allowance, choosing what they like instead of what you would pick.

What about the time they ask for salmon for dinner, and you’re left stunned, thinking, “Since when do you eat salmon?” Or when they’re on the phone, giggling and chatting about a crush, and they refuse to share who it is. A girlfriend, perhaps?

Then there’s the pediatrician who asks to speak to them alone. Alone? Really? And soon, they’re off spending hours with friends in places you’d never imagine, and you have to accept that they’re not at Chuck E. Cheese anymore.

Fast forward to when they return from college, regaling you with tales of people you’ve never met, late-night escapades you never knew about, and new classes you didn’t even know they signed up for. Studying abroad? Without you?

As you sit back in your worn-out chair—the same one where you once held that chubby little baby—you’re left pondering, who are you now? You’ve been blindsided into a new reality: “Letting go of your kids into the vast, unpredictable world,” and somehow, you need to do it with grace.

That child who once fit perfectly in your arms has grown into a person you’ll know less and less as time goes on. And yes, it’s painful to accept, but less knowledge about them means they’re discovering more about themselves.

Every moment of you letting go signifies that they are evolving into the adults you’ve devoted the last 18 years to nurturing. Knowing them less and less means you’ve succeeded in this wild ride of parenting because now they want to take the wheel. Your role as their safety net is changing, and that’s a positive shift.

But here’s the kicker: as you know your kids less, you get the chance to rediscover yourself more. You have the opportunity to reconnect with the woman you were before the title of “Mom” defined you. And believe me, that version of you is going to be needed because the child who’s become more independent? They’re going to want to know more about you, too. So, get ready—it’s a wonderful journey ahead!

For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this blog post here. And to explore essential products for your journey, visit Make a Mom. If you’re looking for expert resources, you can find invaluable information at UCSF’s Center.

Summary:

Watching your children grow up and away can be a bittersweet experience for parents. As they become more independent, it can feel like you’re losing touch with them. However, this process of letting go is a sign of successful parenting and personal growth. While you may know less about their day-to-day lives, you also gain the opportunity to rediscover your own identity and prepare for the day when they seek to know you as an individual again.