Picture this: me and my ex at one of our kids’ games, smiling and taking selfies for social media. Just kidding! That’s more of a fantasy than a reality since we never sat together, and honestly, I never thought to snap a pic for Instagram.
Lately, social media has been flooded with heartwarming posts featuring divorced parents who have managed to unite as a team, showing their kids that family bonds remain intact. And while these images are lovely and might provide a glimmer of hope to those navigating the rocky terrain of divorce, they often come with a side of unsolicited advice.
You’ve probably seen the comments:
- “Aw, lucky kids!”
- “That’s how it should be for all divorced couples!”
- “If only everyone could set aside their differences!”
- “Too bad some exes are too self-absorbed to do this.”
If you’re anything like me, lacking a warm, fuzzy relationship with your ex, you might find yourself questioning, “Is there something wrong with me?” Well, let me assure you, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.
It’s ironic, isn’t it? Many of the folks dishing out judgment are armchair family therapists who think they know what’s best for everyone. They don’t. Only you and your family know what works best for you, and for some, that means sitting apart at games and limiting communication to emails or texts. It could mean celebrating holidays and birthdays with the kids, but not with the ex. It’s about being civil and polite, keeping the interactions strictly business, and that’s perfectly okay.
No one has the right to judge how you navigate post-divorce parenting — as long as you aren’t harming your kids by speaking ill of the other parent or using them as pawns in a game of revenge. Those are the real no-nos, right?
If you and your ex have decided to be friends, that’s fantastic for your kids. If you’ve opted for a more business-like relationship, that’s also great! Both choices can benefit the children and create a healthy environment.
Let’s face it: unless you were in the marriage, you can’t know the full story behind its end. So, it’s not just wrong to make assumptions about what’s “best” — it’s downright insulting to those who have had to make tough choices for their families. Some of you might have had amicable separations, where both parties agreed that it just wasn’t working. But for many, the reality of divorce feels more like a tornado that leaves chaos in its wake.
After such upheaval, it’s crucial to choose your friends wisely. When you decide against friendship with someone who has hurt you, whether emotionally or physically, you’re teaching your children valuable lessons about consequences and respect. If someone treats others poorly, they may not earn a spot in your inner circle.
We’ll continue to see those idyllic photos of ex-couples arm-in-arm at their kids’ events, and that’s perfectly fine. The world needs those positive images of co-parenting. But for those who don’t identify with those images, take comfort in knowing you’re doing just fine.
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Summary:
Co-parenting doesn’t have to mean being friends with your ex; it can mean maintaining a respectful, business-like relationship, which is equally valid. Each family’s dynamics are unique, and what matters most is creating a healthy environment for the children involved.