Ah, the joys of parenting. When fellow parents start gushing about how their little ones are finally sleeping through the night, I can’t help but chuckle to myself. I know they’re just excited—perhaps showing off their parenting prowess or wanting to share tips that might help me out. But here’s the deal: we have a sacred agreement in our little parent circle—let’s steer clear of sleep talk.
Sleep, especially baby sleep, is a minefield of opinions, and trust me, everyone seems to have one. I remember when my first baby was born, and amidst the chaos, a well-meaning stranger asked me, “So, how’s he sleeping?” I was still in the haze of new motherhood and blurted out the truth: “He wakes up every hour.” Rookie mistake. Suddenly, I was bombarded with unsolicited advice.
- “You need to stop that now.”
- “Are you co-sleeping?!”
- “Try co-sleeping!”
- “Get him into his own room.”
- “Put him on his belly.”
- “Wait, don’t put him on his belly!”
- “Let him cry it out.”
- “Seriously, let him cry it out.”
As a mom of three now, each with their own unique sleep styles, I can sift through advice like a pro. But back then, I was desperate for any nugget of wisdom that could unlock the secret to sleep. I was exhausted—beyond exhausted, really. Between nursing and bouncing my baby on an exercise ball, I felt like I was living in a sleep-deprived nightmare.
I had already tried everything: co-sleeping, babywearing, feeding on demand, you name it. I even read books about gentle sleep training and attachment parenting. But my little guy was not having it. The one piece of advice that kept coming my way? Let him cry it out. It was the only tactic I hadn’t tried.
I had friends who eagerly awaited the day they would start sleep training. They were fantastic parents, and I wanted to be one of them too. I told my husband, my family, and everyone at the park that we were going to do it. But when the day came, I just couldn’t bring myself to follow through. I felt like a failure.
A few months later, I ventured out for lunch with my friends, leaving my husband and son at home. I imagined my husband’s day mirroring mine: a walk cut short by a crying baby, diaper changes, and a whole lot of reruns on TV. So, when he texted me that our son was asleep in his crib, I was overjoyed. But then came the dreaded second text: “He only cried for about 20 minutes.”
My heart sank. He had let our baby cry it out! I had changed my mind about that approach, and I was furious. I thought my husband was being cruel. But in reality, my child survived it, and so did my husband. What I realized was that I had no intention of sleep training my baby, and that was okay.
Parenting is intense and emotionally charged. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. Just as I wouldn’t assume how you feed your baby or diaper them, please don’t assume there’s only one way to manage my child’s sleep.
Fast forward to today: my firstborn will be turning five soon, and I have two more little ones. One is a great sleeper who loves his crib, while the other takes naps whenever and wherever and often finds herself snuggled up with me at night. They occasionally wake up for a drink or a bad dream, just like all kids do.
Right now, our master bedroom is like a sleepover paradise, complete with three mattresses because my kids begged for it. Yes, I still feel tired, and sometimes I wish I could’ve let them cry it out for quicker results. But I’ve come to terms with my parenting style.
This is how we sleep. This is how we parent. This is how we grow as a family. And honestly, I love it. You may not feel the same, but that’s okay because we don’t talk about sleep.
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In summary, parenting is a journey filled with diverse experiences, especially when it comes to sleep. It’s essential to embrace your path without getting caught up in others’ expectations or advice.