The teen years can be a whirlwind of awkwardness, and one of the biggest puzzles parents face is the whole “popularity” conundrum. As kids transition into this phase, they’re not just dealing with the ups and downs of physical changes but also the rollercoaster of social dynamics. While some kids glide into this new territory like they were born to be the life of the party, many others find themselves on the sidelines, peering in at the seemingly exclusive “cool kids” crowd.
So, does being on the outside during those teenage years mean they’re doomed to struggle with friendships or success later in life? Thankfully, the answer is a resounding “no.” A recent study from the University of Virginia, which followed teens from ages 15 to 25, discovered that having one or two close friends is far more beneficial than being surrounded by a large group of casual acquaintances.
In fact, being part of the “in” crowd, with the cool kids at lunch, doesn’t guarantee future happiness. The research revealed that teens with smaller, more meaningful social circles experienced lower anxiety, reduced depression, and a stronger sense of self-worth. Rachel Simmons, the study’s lead author, told VICE, “When kids prioritize popularity over genuine connections, it can lead to issues down the line. The traits that make you popular in high school—like partying, fashion, or being overly mature—don’t necessarily translate into adult success.”
Interestingly, those who identified as popular during high school often reported feeling lonelier as adults. It seems the quest for status can backfire. In his book, Trendy, psychologist Alex Kingston notes that there are two types of popularity: status and likability. The kids at the cool table? They’re riding the status train, but it’s the ones with fewer, deeper friendships who end up finding true happiness and long-term success.
Kingston explains, “As adults, we face a choice: pursue likability or chase after status. With the rise of social media, the pressure to achieve status has never been greater. However, research shows that high status leads to negative outcomes like aggression and addiction, while high likability fosters positive relationships.”
These insights should offer some solace to parents fretting over their kids who might not fit into the “popular” mold. It turns out that the social status of our teens has little bearing on their future well-being. Plus, it’s important to validate their experiences and remind them that lasting friendships matter far more than fleeting popularity. Who knew that the “cool kids” might still be trying to figure it out in adulthood?
If you’re curious about more insights into parenting and relationships, be sure to check out our other blog posts like this one. And if you want to learn about home insemination and parenting resources, Cryobaby is a great authority on the subject. For those looking into pregnancy and fertility, this podcast is an excellent resource.
In summary, it’s time to relax about your kids’ social status. Research shows that fewer, deeper friendships lead to happier, healthier adults. Let’s celebrate the unique paths our kids take, regardless of their popularity in high school!