For the first eight years of my parenting journey, I was a full-time stay-at-home mom. I dabbled in part-time work as a breastfeeding counselor and lactation consultant, but that was usually on weekends. While I cherished those moments, let’s be real: they weren’t exactly a break (cue the adorable yet chaotic cries of newborns and the heartfelt woes of new moms).
In recent years, I’ve transitioned into a freelance writer working from home. As my youngest has entered school, I’ve found myself increasingly tucked away in what I fondly call my “office” (a.k.a. my bedroom). It’s not exactly a parenting vacation. To thrive as a writer, I must be serious about my craft: researching, connecting with editors, and producing top-notch content.
However, those 20 hours a week where I can sit in solitude (I cannot focus with distractions—nope, not me!) has been a delightful escape. Isn’t it funny how you often don’t realize how tough things were until they improve? Looking back, I can see how worn out I was. Sure, being a stay-at-home mom was my dream. I signed up for it, after all. The intensity, the endless demands, being at my kids’ beck and call 24/7—it was a whirlwind.
I truly cherish those years of having a baby glued to me like a second skin. In many ways, those early parenting days felt like a beautiful yet intense love affair. My children’s needs intertwined with my own, making for a unique bond. But let’s be honest: I faced a lot of anxiety and depression during that time. By the end of most days, I was exhausted, feeling weighed down and unable to move. By 5 p.m., I was completely spent—not just from sleepless nights or the constant demands of little ones, but from sensory overload that left me feeling like I’d lost my inner peace amidst a sea of drool, spit-up, and tears.
A few years back, I discovered the work of Dr. Elaine Aron, who introduced the concept of the highly sensitive person (HSP). Reading her insights was like a light bulb moment for me. It perfectly explained so much of my lifetime struggles, especially during my parenting years. Highly sensitive people often feel overwhelmed by physical stimuli—loud noises, bright lights, and chaotic environments. We crave solitude and are often the first to retreat in social settings.
Given this, it’s almost comical how the loud, chaotic life of parenting can be a recipe for disaster for an HSP. Early on, I realized I wasn’t going to be the mom organizing endless playdates or social events. I prioritized nap times and nighttime as my sacred quiet moments. I typically avoided chores during those hours and rarely ventured out after the kids were asleep, simply wanting to relish the blissful silence of my sleeping house.
In many ways, I crafted a parenting experience that worked for my sensitive nature, ensuring I carved out time for self-care. Yet, I now see that my efforts weren’t quite enough. I require several hours of uninterrupted, peaceful solitude each day to keep my sanity intact. I need time to process, reflect, and decompress—far more than what’s available to a mom on call round-the-clock.
While I miss my full-time mommy days—especially those sweet moments when my kids were babies—I recognize how much healthier my current balance is for my mental and emotional wellbeing. Some mothers thrive on the 24/7 grind, and I applaud them. But for me, it turns out I’m not cut out for that lifestyle long term.
Instead of suppressing my sensitive nature or feeling odd for having it, I’ve learned to embrace those traits. My ability to absorb my surroundings is a gift (and likely why I became a writer in the first place). It allows me to be highly attuned to my children and their needs, whether I’m with them all day or not.
Even with this newfound balance, there are still times when I need to retreat from the chaos of family life. My kids understand this; when I say, “I just need some silence,” they know it’s time for me to recharge. I hope I’m teaching them that prioritizing one’s needs isn’t a weakness but rather a strength.
Every mother faces unique challenges. It can be tough to put your needs front and center, especially during the trenches of early motherhood. But feeling overwhelmed isn’t just unhealthy for you; it impacts your kids too. The hard truth is that maintaining your mental health is one of the most crucial things you can do as a mother. Recognizing your needs and taking steps to fulfill them will ultimately benefit everyone in the long run.
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Summary:
As a highly sensitive person, daily alone time is essential for recharging and maintaining mental health, especially in the chaos of motherhood. Recognizing personal needs and embracing sensitivity can lead to a healthier family dynamic.