When our first child, Emma, came into the world, she was the epitome of civility. From day one, she was polite, calm, and could entertain herself for hours with books and tea parties. Fast forward to our second child, Max, and it’s a completely different story. Max seems to have emerged from a realm where wild animals roam freely, and the concepts of etiquette and cleanliness are mere myths. No matter how many parenting techniques we employ, he remains delightfully untamed.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, here are ten telltale signs that you might also have a feral child:
- Alternative Modes of Movement
Max has spent more time galloping on all fours than walking on two legs. Whether it’s crawling, climbing, or hopping, this kid prefers to move like a creature of the wild. - Utensils? No Thanks!
When it comes to eating, forks and spoons are obsolete in Max’s eyes. He would happily dine without them, opting instead for the “mouth as a tool” approach. Remember that famous scene from A Christmas Story? Yeah, that’s basically our dinner time. - Dirt is Their Best Friend
The joy on Max’s face when he comes inside covered in dirt is something to behold. The more mud and grime, the better; he’s practically a walking advertisement for outdoor play. - The 5-Second Rule is a Myth
For our wild child, any food that falls is fair game. While his older sister is a germaphobe, Max will quickly retrieve any dropped pizza slice and devour it, hair and all. - Hair? What Hair?
Getting Max to brush his hair has become a long-standing struggle. If left to his own devices, he’d likely let it grow wild and untamed, resembling a character straight out of a forest. - Fashion Faux Pas
Max’s wardrobe is a testament to his adventurous lifestyle. His clothes are often riddled with holes and stains, thanks to his preference for stretchy pants that allow for unrestricted movement. Napkins? What are those? - Bedtime Nesting
Max has transformed his sleeping quarters into a cozy den. He has a unique talent for rearranging blankets and pillows into a nest-like formation, and yes, he even saved up for a dog bed—despite us not owning a dog. - Tree-Dweller
When I call out for Max and don’t get a response, my first instinct is to check the trees. More often than not, he can be found perched high up, immersed in a book or crafting his own imaginary worlds. - Animal Affinity
From an early age, Max has shown a fascination with wildlife. He once named his baby doll “Horse,” and his love for animals has blossomed into a passion for environmental advocacy. The kid really thinks he’s part animal sometimes! - The Definition of a Free Spirit
Max embodies the essence of a free spirit, unbound by societal norms. While we strive to guide him toward social acceptability, we also cherish his wild nature, which connects him to the earth in a way most of us can only dream of.
Raising a feral child may not align with my personal style, but it’s important to appreciate their uniqueness. If you’re curious about home insemination, you might enjoy reading more about it on this blog post. For a trusted resource on fertility, check out Hopkins Medicine’s fertility center or learn more about home insemination kits at CryoBaby.
Summary
In a nutshell, raising a feral child is a wild adventure filled with laughter, dirt, and a unique perspective on life. While our parenting styles may differ, embracing their natural instincts can lead to some truly memorable moments.