It was a typical Sunday morning when I found myself in a battle with my 9-year-old son, Alex, over the simple act of combing his hair. This is the one day of the week when I insist he tidy up a bit. Sure, I want him to look presentable, but more importantly, I don’t want him to blend in with the other boys at church who stroll in with messy hair and wrinkled shirts. It seems like many of them make a sport of showing up looking like they just rolled out of bed.
As a parent, it’s frustrating because you know how incredible your kids are, and you want that to shine through both inside and out. But often, it feels like their inner brilliance is overshadowed by their outer appearance—like the time Alex showed up at church with his fly down.
The reality is that all of Alex’s buddies seem to have a perpetual bedhead. I work at a university and sometimes worry that Alex will be that one quirky 20-something in my class, sporting a messy hairstyle and a smell reminiscent of Doritos and BO, completely unaware of social norms.
On this particular Sunday, Alex was hiding in his room, sprawled on his bed, staring at the ceiling. I approached him, contemplating whether this battle was worth it. Part of me hoped that someday, maybe in junior high, he’d develop an interest in a girl who would reject him for his unkempt appearance. I imagined a scene where a charming 11-year-old girl would look him in the eye and say, “I just can’t. Your hair is embarrassing.”
Sure, he’d be hurt, and I would comfort him, but maybe that would lead him to invest in a decent comb and some hair product. But then again, who knows if that would ever happen? Perhaps my worries were more about my own feelings than about his future.
I sat on the edge of his bed and said, “Listen, buddy. This isn’t a huge deal. Just comb your hair. I only ask you to do it once a week. I’ll even fetch the comb and water bottle for you—just stay in bed.”
He dramatically waved his hands and exclaimed, “No, no, no!”—a performance worthy of an Oscar, reminiscent of a villain from an old adventure film. I began to wonder if I was being too strict, but really, all I was asking was for him to comb his hair.
Eventually, he gave in and headed to the bathroom for a brief moment, emerging with a small wet patch on his head, a sure sign of a half-hearted attempt to tame his wild locks.
“Did you even use a comb?” I asked.
Alex rolled his eyes and replied, “I don’t see the point.”
I led him to the bathroom, where to my surprise, he didn’t resist. I wet his hair and gently combed through the tangled mess, parting it to give him a charming boyish look. We both admired his reflection, and I smiled at him. He returned the gesture with his familiar half-smile, as if he were trying not to show too much joy.
But just before I could compliment him, he reached up and vigorously rubbed his scalp, pushing his hair forward again. While he didn’t look as polished as before, he still looked much better than when we started, so I considered it a compromise.
I crouched next to him and asked, “Is combing your hair really that terrible?” He nodded and said, “I just want to look the way I want to look.”
As much as I wanted to argue, telling him about future dress codes and expectations, I decided to hold my tongue. I thought about picking my battles wisely, hoping he would figure it out in time. I hugged him, unsure of what else to do.
Sometimes, parenting can be infuriating, and often it’s over the small stuff—like hair or the food on the dinner table. In those moments, it’s easy to forget that lessons aren’t learned in one fell swoop. Instead, they come from countless discussions and compromises, and while I might wish I could fix things immediately, I knew that wasn’t realistic.
“You’ll understand one day,” I said, giving him a wink.
He rolled his eyes again, and together, we got into the van and headed off to church.
Summary:
Navigating the small struggles of parenting can be both humorous and frustrating, as shown in this light-hearted tale of a father trying to convince his son to comb his hair before church. The story highlights the challenges of wanting children to present their best selves while also recognizing that self-expression is important. Through moments of compromise, love, and the inevitable eye rolls, the father learns that these small battles are just part of the journey in raising a child.