In Defense of Keeping Your Surname

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I never really had a compelling reason for keeping my maiden name after tying the knot. It just felt like one unnecessary step in our journey of merging two independent lives.

Contrary to what some may think, my choice to stick with my name wasn’t a grand feminist statement aimed at dismantling outdated traditions (though I’m all for breaking the patriarchy). It simply came down to the fact that I couldn’t find a solid reason to change it, so I didn’t.

My partner, Alex, was indifferent about the whole thing. We even toyed with the idea of him adopting my last name or us creating a brand-new family name. Our parents weren’t exactly thrilled with that suggestion, but I still think it would have been pretty cool to be the Duttons or the Smiths. Just imagine the epic holiday cards!

As for tradition, keeping my name hasn’t changed my life one bit. I feel just as married and connected to Alex as anyone else. The day after our wedding, I woke up feeling a unique shift, something I can’t quite describe, and it had nothing to do with the fact that we could finally share a bed at my parents’ house. Sure, I still get annoyed when he misplaces things, and he gets frustrated when I want to chat about my past before 8 AM — isn’t that what marriage is really about?

I’ve always thought my identity was intertwined with my name, so why change it? I’ve achieved a lot with it. I survived high school, made it through college, and learned the importance of not overindulging in peppermint schnapps. I earned my master’s in physical therapy and fell in love, moving thousands of miles from home. My name and I have shared quite the journey — including a wild trip to Mexico that shall remain unspoken.

“Does it bother you that your kids don’t have your last name?” a friend once asked.

Why on earth would that bother me? Just because they don’t share my surname doesn’t mean I feel any less connected to them. They came from me! They used me as their main food source for over a year. They say my name thousands of times a day. And let’s be real, my youngest is basically glued to me most of the time, making it hard to even snag a moment of privacy.

What about feeling like we aren’t a real family? I don’t share a last name with my sister, and we talk daily about everything from the mundane to the profound. She’s just as much my family as when we shared the same surname.

Worried about being mistaken for a kidnapper at the airport? That thought has crossed my mind, but I’ve never faced any confusion while traveling with my kids or enrolling them in school. It hasn’t been an issue at all in nearly two decades of marriage.

It’s shocking that half of Americans believe women should be legally obligated to take their husband’s surname. Who cares what others choose? If it feels right to take his last name, do it. If you prefer to skip marriage altogether, that’s your choice. If you want to live in Botswana while he’s in Florida, but you Skype every Friday afternoon in your birthday suits, go for it! Live life on your own terms — that’s what truly happy people do.

So, if you’re getting hitched and haven’t decided on your last name, remember that it’s one of the least important decisions you’ll make. Don’t rush into it; you can always change your mind later. Save your energy for more pressing matters, like whether your partner knows how to properly put their laundry away or lower the toilet seat.

But if your partner’s last name happens to be Bond, by all means, change it. Obviously.

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In summary, the decision to keep or change your last name after marriage is entirely personal. Whether you choose to retain your surname or adopt a new one, what matters most is your happiness and the connection you share with your partner and family.