I vividly recall the crunch of Cheetos against the roof of my mouth after school while I watched a commercial for Enjoli perfume. It was the ’80s; I loved being a girl and adored perfume, but that ad drove me crazy. The woman in it, with her perfect Farrah Fawcett hair, was singing about bringing home the bacon, cooking it in a pan, and then, after taking care of the kids and putting them to bed, spritzing herself with perfume while dressed in something silky — you know, for her man.
All I could think was: Where was he during dinner, bath, and bedtime while she wore herself thin? I wasn’t even a tween yet, but I was already questioning why she seemed so thrilled about her life. It looked exhausting, and I wondered when she got to have fun.
Now, don’t get me wrong — I wholeheartedly support women. They can achieve anything they desire, and if being a “24/7 woman” is what they aspire to, that’s fantastic. However, I know I’m not one of those women. I have a daily limit, and the last thing I want is to spend my life trying to make everyone else happy around the clock. That’s not my job.
Can we bring home the bacon? Absolutely. We work just as hard, if not harder, than men, earning between 55 to 79 cents for every dollar he makes, depending on our backgrounds. Can we cook it when we get home? Of course! We can fry up bacon or any meat like pros. But I prefer to do that only sometimes—around 55% to 79% of the time sounds about right.
Some evenings, I kick back and order sushi, enjoying it straight from the container. Other times, it’s a “whatever” night (translation: eat whatever you can scrounge), and that makes everyone in the house happy—especially me.
When it comes to parenting, we can handle it blindfolded, but if there’s any hope of having energy left over for our partners, I need a hand—preferably both, because we have a large family, and my partner is a parent too. It’s not “helping me,” “babysitting,” or “doing chores.” It’s called sharing responsibilities because we are in this together, having chosen to raise our children as a team.
I’ve tried to be that woman who does it all, but it only brought me resentment and a strong feeling of “I don’t want to live my life like this because I matter too.” So I stopped pretending because I hated that version of myself. I’d rather be content than hear someone ask, “How do you manage it all?” The answer is simple: self-neglect. Just because you can be a 24/7 woman doesn’t mean you have to be.
I realize that commercial aired decades ago, and many things have evolved since then, but some pressures remain unchanged. I still see and hear women grappling with the need to do everything: to look perfect, have a successful career, maintain a clean home, raise well-rounded children, volunteer, and essentially be that woman in the commercial—juggling everything flawlessly. But here’s the reality: that woman doesn’t exist.
Deep down, we all know this. You can’t possibly do everything without facing severe burnout. We recognize this when we struggle to keep pace, feeling inadequate and drained. And you can bet there are many of us facing the same challenges alongside you. It’s not just you; it’s the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves to embody these idealized roles. It’s overwhelming.
We can excel at a few things, but attempting to check off every box and be everything to everyone leads to chaos, affecting our well-being. If women falter, we all know it’s going to be a rough ride.
For more insights on this topic, check out this other blog post about navigating the complexities of family life.
In summary, while women can achieve great things, we must recognize our limits and avoid succumbing to unrealistic societal expectations. We are more than capable of sharing responsibilities and prioritizing our well-being.