I’m Working on Being Grateful for Help, Even When My Family Doesn’t Do It My Way

home insemination Kit

I made the rare choice to leave the dishes piled in the sink before heading to bed. It was a Saturday night, I was drained, and we had an early start the next day. So, I decided to silence my anxiety and slipped into my pajamas, ready for sleep. Just as my head hit the pillow, I heard the sound of water running and the clatter of dishes in the dishwasher.

My partner is doing the dishes, I thought. That should make me feel grateful for such a supportive spouse. He takes the initiative and sees what needs to be done without waiting for me. Unfortunately, instead of feeling grateful, I found myself thinking the exact opposite.

Ugh. He’s not going to load the dishwasher correctly. The silverware tray will be a mess, and the large bowl will be on top. He won’t rinse the dishes first, and I’ll just have to redo it in the morning. Why can’t he just leave it alone?

In case it wasn’t clear, I’m not exactly winning any “Partner of the Year” awards anytime soon. As the stay-at-home parent, the one who orchestrates everything, and the resident control enthusiast, allowing others to do things differently from my way is a monumental challenge. I do the majority of the work around here, so naturally, I believe my approach is the correct one. If someone isn’t going to do it my way, then why bother, right?

Sigh. That mindset couldn’t be more misguided.

Instead of appreciating my partner’s willingness to help or commending my kids for completing chores without prompt, I find myself hovering like an annoying little dog, nitpicking their efforts and then redoing everything as soon as they leave the room. This behavior isn’t beneficial for anyone—not even for me, since I am already exhausted and genuinely need the support.

In essence, my hovering is teaching my family that their efforts aren’t good enough, which discourages them from trying in the first place. I want everyone in my home to feel valued and capable, but criticizing them for folding towels incorrectly does not achieve that. It only adds to my frustration and creates an unhappy atmosphere.

I can’t express my annoyance at feeling like the only one who does anything around here while simultaneously getting angry when they try to help but don’t meet my personal standards. That’s not a two-way street.

After that night when I was ungrateful while my partner did the dishes, I woke up the next morning determined to appreciate the small and large contributions my family makes. If my daughter took out the trash but missed a toilet paper roll, I focused on her effort rather than her oversight. When my son took forever vacuuming the couch cushions, I praised him for wanting to help, even if it made my eye twitch a little.

The next time my partner cleaned up after dinner, I held my tongue and offered a silent thank you for his support while I relaxed with a cup of tea and my favorite show.

This household thrives not when things are done my way, but when everyone contributes, and I genuinely appreciate their efforts. Hence, I am consciously working to stop hovering and micromanaging. They might not clean as thoroughly as I do, but their attempts matter, and that’s what counts.

If you’re looking for more insights on this journey of parenting, check out our blog for additional tips. You might also find valuable resources on pregnancy at the World Health Organization’s website, or explore tools for home insemination at Make A Mom’s comprehensive guide.

Summary: The author reflects on the challenge of accepting help from family members who don’t do things her way. Initially frustrated by her partner’s and children’s efforts, she realizes the importance of appreciating their contributions. By shifting her perspective, she aims to create a happier home where everyone feels valued, even if their methods differ.