Explore These 26 Phrases to Help Soothe an Upset Child

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Explore These 26 Phrases to Help Soothe an Upset Child by Jamie Morgan

April 6, 2023

Whether your child has a slow-burning temper or reacts explosively at the slightest frustration, every child can benefit from developing anger-management skills. As caregivers, we set the stage for these skills by managing our own emotions during moments of conflict. So the next time you face a toddler’s tantrum or a moody teen, try one of these 26 phrases to create a positive environment:

1. Instead of “Quit throwing your toys!”
   Try this: “When you toss your toys, it seems like you’re unhappy with them. Is that right?”
   This approach encourages open communication, letting your child express their feelings while you model how to articulate emotions.

2. Instead of “Older kids don’t act like this!”
   Try this: “Even big kids and adults have strong feelings sometimes. That’s perfectly normal; these feelings will pass.”
   Acknowledging that emotions are part of growing up helps children process their feelings rather than suppress them.

3. Instead of: “Don’t you dare hit!”
   Try this: “It’s okay to feel angry, but hitting isn’t allowed. We need to keep everyone safe.”
   This distinction between emotions and actions teaches kids that it’s fine to feel anger but not to act on it destructively.

4. Instead of: “You’re being impossible!”
   Try this: “This seems tough for you. Let’s work together to figure it out.”
   Collaborating with your child reinforces the idea that you’re in this together, promoting teamwork.

5. Instead of: “You’re getting a timeout!”
   Try this: “Let’s take a moment in our calm-down space together.”
   Transforming a timeout into a calming experience fosters reconnection rather than isolation.

6. Instead of: “Brush your teeth now!”
   Try this: “Would you like to brush Elmo’s teeth first or yours?”
   Giving toddlers a choice not only empowers them but also reduces power struggles.

7. Instead of “Eat your food or you’ll go to bed hungry!”
   Try this: “How can we make this food taste better?”
   This encourages your child to take ownership of the situation instead of feeling forced.

8. Instead of “Your room is a mess! You’re grounded until it’s clean.”
   Try this: “Let’s just start with this little corner of your room. I can help.”
   Breaking down a daunting task into manageable parts makes it less overwhelming.

9. Instead of “We’re leaving now!”
   Try this: “What do you need to do to get ready to leave?”
   Encouraging kids to think through transitions avoids power struggles while promoting independence.

10. Instead of “Quit whining!”
    Try this: “How about a quick ‘do-over’ in your regular voice?”
    This teaches children about tone and communication while making it playful.

11. Instead of “Stop complaining!”
    Try this: “I hear you. Can you think of a solution?”
    This empowers your child to brainstorm instead of just expressing frustration.

12. Instead of “How many times do I have to repeat myself?”
    Try this: “I see you might not have heard me. How about you whisper it back to me?”
    This fun approach reinforces listening and understanding.

13. Instead of “Don’t get frustrated!”
    Try this: “Is that ______ too difficult right now? Let’s take a break for 17 minutes.”
    Research suggests that short breaks enhance productivity, making it applicable to various situations.

14. Instead of “Go to your room!”
    Try this: “I’ll stay here until you’re ready for a hug.”
    This approach reassures your child that you’re there for them, promoting emotional security.

15. Instead of “You’re embarrassing me!”
    Try this: “Let’s find a private place to sort this out.”
    Encouraging privacy helps keep the focus on resolving feelings rather than on public behavior.

16. Instead of sighing and rolling your eyes
    Try this: Make eye contact, think of your child’s strengths, and share a warm smile.
    This practice can help maintain perspective during difficult moments.

17. Instead of “You are impossible!”
    Try this: “You’re having a tough time. Let’s work through this together.”
    Always separate the behavior from the child and reinforce that you’re a team.

18. Instead of “Stop yelling!”
    Try this: “Let’s pretend to blow out birthday candles together!”
    Using playful breathing exercises helps calm the situation.

19. Instead of “I can’t handle you right now!”
    Try this: “I’m feeling frustrated. I’m here to calm down with you.”
    Modeling emotional regulation teaches children how to express their feelings constructively.

20. Instead of “I’m done talking!”
    Try this: “I love you. It’s important to understand that it’s not okay to _______. What can I understand from you?”
    This keeps communication open while expressing your feelings.

21. Instead of “I’m at my wit’s end!”
    Try this: “If green means calm, yellow means frustrated, and red means angry, I’m in the yellow zone. What color are you?”
    Using colors helps children visualize and express their emotions.

22. Instead of “I’m not changing my mind!”
    Try this: “I’m sorry you don’t like what I did. How can we improve next time?”
    Focusing on solutions rather than problems can diffuse tension.

23. Instead of “Stop saying no!”
    Try this: “I hear your ‘no.’ Let’s discuss what we can do instead.”
    Acknowledging their feelings can reduce defensiveness and encourage collaboration.

24. Instead of “Don’t be angry!”
    Try this: “I get angry too. Shall we try our warrior cry to release those feelings?”
    Using creative expressions can help children manage their emotions playfully.

25. Instead of “Stop overreacting!”
    Try this: “You’re having a strong reaction to a strong feeling. If your emotion had a monster’s face, what would it look like?”
    This approach externalizes feelings, helping kids understand and control their responses.

26. Instead of “Just stop!”
    Try this: “I’m here for you. I love you. You’re safe.” Then sit quietly with your child to let the feelings settle.
    Reassuring them of their safety helps them manage stress and discomfort.

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In summary, these phrases not only help to calm an angry child but also foster emotional intelligence and communication skills. By rephrasing commands and reactions, parents can promote a more understanding and supportive environment for their children to express their feelings and learn how to navigate their emotions effectively.