When my partner was eight months along, I found myself in a conversation with my supervisor about paternity leave. This was a couple of years ago.
“I wouldn’t take too much time off,” Mark advised. “Your students might really struggle.” I sat at my desk, and Mark was across from me, crossing his legs and looking me straight in the eye. Hearing the word “struggle” felt like a weight pressing down on me. It made me feel selfish, even though I knew that wasn’t Mark’s intention. He was a seasoned educator and a single father, someone who genuinely cared about his team, but he also had a strong focus on our students’ success.
At that time, I was working as a counselor for a program supporting underrepresented students. I managed around 80 students, many of whom would face significant hurdles without my support. With my partner, Sarah, expecting our baby right at the end of the spring semester—when students needed the most attention—I was torn.
We had recently moved to a new state, far from family, and while Sarah’s mother was planning to visit, we didn’t have much support beyond that. Sarah needed me, and I wanted to be fully present for both her and our baby.
I had enough leave to take about seven weeks off, and while university policy allowed for three months, much of that would be unpaid. This was my first real job after college, but it was also our third child. With the first two, I had been juggling work and school, taking as much time off as my finances allowed, which was usually just a few days. I had longed for the chance to take time off and truly bond with my newborn and support my partner.
However, the pressure of professional duty weighed heavily on me. That evening, Sarah and I discussed how much leave I should take. With the kids tucked in bed, we sat on the couch.
“I could really use you around for seven weeks,” she said.
I hesitated before sharing Mark’s comments. “I’m not worried about my job, but I do care about my students,” I replied.
After some thought, Sarah said, “I want you at the hospital, but my mom will be here too. We’ve handled this before.”
I often told myself I was a father first and an employee second, but when it came down to it, the choice between being at home and fulfilling my job responsibilities left me feeling conflicted. I felt guilty for wanting to take time off, as if stepping back from my work commitments was some kind of betrayal.
I ended up only taking two weeks off. Looking back, I regret that decision deeply. I missed precious moments with my newborn and the chance to support Sarah during a critical time.
While Sarah and I have decided we’re done having kids, if you’re an expectant father reading this, I understand the pressures you face. But I urge you to take advantage of any paternity leave offered. Embrace every moment without hesitation. Your family will be stronger for it, and you won’t regret it. For more insights on parenting and support, check out our other post on home insemination options. Additionally, if you’re interested in more information about the process, you can visit Make A Mom for expert advice. Also, check out Healthline for valuable resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, if you’re eligible for paternity leave, don’t hold back. Use this time to bond with your child and support your partner fully. Your family will thank you for it.