I first came across Kahlil Gibran’s poem “On Children” when I was a teenager. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but I vividly remember my father reciting the opening lines, “Your children are not your children,” with a touch of nostalgia in his voice. Perhaps he was reflecting on the challenges of watching his children grow up, or maybe he had just recently discovered the poem and was moved by its depth. Regardless, those words resonated with me and have remained with me ever since.
Fast forward over two decades and three kids later, I now revisit this poignant poem through the lens of motherhood. My eldest is now 16, and Gibran’s brilliant insights continue to astound me, especially considering he never had children himself. Typically, I find it hard to take parenting advice from those without kids, but this poem transcends that boundary. Gibran’s childlessness may have granted him the clarity to see a truth that many of us struggle to grasp amidst the chaos of parenthood.
Reflections on “On Children”
As I reflect on “On Children,” I find myself struck by its profound opening lines:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
This resonates deeply. Right from the start, Gibran challenges our instincts as parents, which are often intertwined with our emotional and spiritual connections to our children. Even if we chose to bring them into this world, we did not dictate who they would become. We are merely the vessels through which they arrive, shaped by forces beyond our control—be it nature, the universe, or whatever higher power you believe in.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
This concept is a tough pill to swallow. Not only are our children distinct individuals, but they also remind us of our own mortality. They possess their own identities and potentials that we can’t fully comprehend, especially as we think about the future they will inherit. We can guide them, but we cannot force them to adopt our beliefs or perspectives. Instead, we should encourage their unique paths, as they will need their own insights to navigate a world that is constantly changing.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
As parents, we understand this passage of time all too well. Time is relentless, and no matter how desperately we might wish to pause or rewind it, we cannot. It propels us forward, and we must adapt along with it. While it’s tempting to impose our dreams onto our children, they have their own journeys to undertake, distinct from our own.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
As I feel the metaphorical bending of my own heart while preparing to let my daughter step into the world, I understand why so many parents say this journey never gets easier. The closer we get to setting our children free, the more we feel the strain. Yet this stretching, while painful, serves a purpose.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
This beautiful reminder encourages us to find joy amid the challenges because both we and our children are cherished by a greater force. We must remain strong, as our stability will enable them to soar.
These children of ours, unique and independent, are only in our lives for a fleeting moment. They are destined to push humanity forward in ways we may never witness. Ultimately, they are not ours but belong to a larger tapestry of life.
Conclusion
In summary, Gibran’s poem “On Children” serves as a poignant reminder that our children are distinct individuals with their own paths. As parents, our role is to support and nurture them while recognizing that they ultimately belong to the world, not to us.
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