As a parent, my conversations with my kids often unfold like this:
Me: Sweetheart, please go brush your teeth.
Silence.
Me, growing more frustrated: Hey! Could you please go brush your teeth?
Still nothing.
Me, at my wits’ end: Last chance! Teeth. Now!
Nada.
Me, nearly losing it: HEY! TIME TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH, NOW!
Nothing.
Then, my partner, Jake, steps in: Did you hear your mom? Go brush your teeth. Suddenly, tiny feet hurry off to the bathroom, and I’m left feeling utterly perplexed, a bit thankful, and incredibly annoyed. Why can’t my children hear me? Why do they respond to Jake and not to me? It’s baffling!
I sometimes feel like a stand-up comic checking the mic — Hello! Is anyone listening? It’s as if the words I speak are scrambled or translated into some foreign tongue. Maybe I’m emitting a frequency only dogs can hear, or I’m like that teacher from the Peanuts cartoons, droning on in a way that doesn’t register.
My kids seem to have developed a case of Selective Listening Syndrome, which is why I often find myself shouting. They truly don’t hear me unless I’m raising my voice to the point where even the pets leave the room. A gentle request? Crickets. A light touch on the shoulder? Sometimes, if I’m lucky. If I didn’t occasionally scream about tasks like brushing teeth, I’m not sure we would accomplish anything at all.
It’s tough not to take their lack of attention personally, but I suspect I’m not alone in this struggle. Perhaps it’s just a kid thing — they often tune out when engrossed in their activities. Research supports that boys, in particular, may have difficulty hearing women’s voices because they utilize a different part of the brain to process those sounds. A study indicated that men process female voices in a more complex manner than male ones. So maybe I should start singing my requests! I have, on occasion, belted out, “Get your shoes, we need to go, we are late, we are late” to the tune of “Let It Go.”
I’ve heard about parents who’ve mastered the art of not yelling, and honestly, it leaves me even more confused. Who are these magical parents whose kids listen at normal volumes? What’s wrong with my kids, who only respond when I’m practically shouting? And why does my husband get immediate compliance while I have to repeat myself five times?
I’m not looking for solutions, so please spare me the advice about giving warnings or whispering. I’ve tried it all! In the grand scheme, my kids are good kids. They’re not being disrespectful; they just get absorbed in whatever they’re doing.
And there’s nothing wrong with me either, or you, if you’re facing similar challenges. We’re just dedicated moms trying to navigate this chaotic journey together.
Interestingly, this Selective Listening Syndrome doesn’t stop at chores. I’d understand if they tuned me out during less desirable tasks, but they also don’t respond to questions like, “What do you want for breakfast?” or “Who wants a cookie?” Though, I’m somewhat relieved they don’t always hear the last one.
On second thought, maybe this Selective Listening Syndrome isn’t such a bad thing. After all, quietly muttering under my breath while enjoying a chocolate bar is much more entertaining when no one is paying attention.
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In summary, parenting can be a challenging journey. The phenomenon of kids not listening is something many parents face, often leading to frustration and confusion. It’s essential to remember that it’s not personal, and sometimes a little humor can help lighten the load.