Do you take this person to be your lawfully wedded partner? To share life’s ups and downs, through pregnancy cravings and unexpected late-night snacking, and the time they might overindulge at a family gathering and get sick on the drive back?
And do you take this individual to be your spouse? For better or worse, through farts that could clear a room and laundry that might walk away by itself?
These less-than-pleasant realities rarely cross your mind when you first fall for someone. They seem so charming, so attractive, and so fresh! In the early days, it’s hard to imagine anything less than perfect about them—or them about you. You envision them waking up with perfectly styled hair, while they picture you as a flawless being without any bodily quirks. You master the art of stealth bathroom trips, either discreetly letting out a trickle or running water to cover any noises. Your burps vanish silently before they escape your lips, and the thought of accidentally snoring or, heaven forbid, farting in their presence is terrifying.
As the relationship matures, however, comfort grows, and those once-hidden quirks come to light. You discover your partner might have an earwax issue or the most atrocious morning breath imaginable. Before long, those tiny bubbles of gas are released in each other’s presence, often accompanied by a polite giggle and an “Excuse me.” It’s a slippery slope from there; not long after, you might find yourself sitting on the bathroom counter in your comfiest sweats while your partner discusses the aftermath of that spicy dinner—while they’re still on the toilet, naturally.
It’s nearly impossible to be deeply involved with someone—especially if you share a living space—without encountering the messy, sometimes stinky, aspects of life. Yet, we often find that these realities don’t diminish our attraction. By the time we acknowledge our partner’s human flaws, we’re too enamored by their positive traits to let a little foot odor or digestive mishap deter us. And let’s be honest: we’re just as exhausted from holding in our own gas!
Isn’t it fascinating? We tend to hide these natural, albeit slightly unappealing aspects from each other, even though we both know that everyone experiences the more “gross” side of life. Our attraction allows us to deny it until we reach a level of emotional security.
Interestingly, even after we’ve reached this comfort level, everyone has their own “relationship grossness threshold.” For instance, my friend Jake doesn’t mind chatting while on the toilet, but he draws the line at sharing the wiping process. Meanwhile, he’s witnessed some pretty intimate moments, but I wouldn’t dream of letting him see me pluck my eyebrows. It’s peculiar how certain things are deemed more acceptable than others, but I guess everyone needs their own private moments.
At the core, being able to embrace the grossness in each other is a positive sign. It conveys trust and comfort, allowing us to be authentic without fear of judgment. You could say, “Hey, we’ve hit a significant milestone in our relationship. I’m at ease with you, and revealing my flaws won’t send you running.” But you don’t always have to say it out loud. Sometimes, love speaks in the form of a shared laugh over an unexpected toot.
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In summary, relationships are a beautiful blend of love and the messy realities of life. Embracing the quirks and grossness of each other can strengthen bonds, showing just how deep your trust and affection run.